some days are easier than others 

and some days are harder than others. 

but what kills is knowing that no matter what you do now, there is nothing that can change the outcome. 

you are just left with a hole where the person used to be. 

and in the days ahead, you will be facing it with one less person. 

one less person to hear the good news and celebrate with, one less person to hear the bad news and lean your shoulder on, one less person in birthdays, family days, celebrations and whatever there is to come, one less person to ask when you're lost. 

especially when people don't know what has happened.