;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

the world is filled with nice people :)

the MRT was super packed and I had nothing to grab onto. When the train jerked I almost lost my balance till this auntie grabbed my arm to stabilize me and she held my arm till the train finished changing tracks.

just needed to note it down to remind myself that there are nice people who are willing to help strangers too. :)

communication breakdown

you find it hard to talk to me?
i find it hard to talk to you too.

maybe you honestly didn't mean it that way,
but it sounds like criticism.
it always sounds like that.

why don't you step into my shoes for a moment and think?

screw it all. sometimes just keep my mouth shut and not talk. then there'll be peace.

expectations

i could keep telling myself that it doesn't matter. but there's this competing voice in my head that's screaming it matters.

maybe i'll drown under my own expectations one day.

because i'm not happy. it's not that i'm really sad too. i guess i'm just a little disappointed in me.

unsaid

the words that matter the most,
are usually the ones that we don't say

because of fear.
because of pride.
because of reasons unknown to us.

there's so much i want to say
but i can't seem to say it.

and i pray the day will never come where i'll regret all the words left unsaid.

fucked up

i'm feeling really angsty today :(

wanting

i realized i have a huge problem trying to vocalize what i want.

even little things like taking a photo with someone. it's like i have to go through some internal battle before i dare to vocalize. what's more, after making the request, i will feel super embarrassed. like there's something wrong in wanting something.

can't stand myself sometimes. tsk.

communication breakdown

sometimes it's not that i don't want to talk
it's that you're simply not interested to listen.
or you're easily offended by my tone or what i say.

you can call me petty.
but it sucks when i'm trying to tell you something and you talk to someone else instead.
it also sucks when i'm trying to tell you something and you interrupt.
it also sucks when you take offense at my tone when that's just simply the way i talk to anybody.
it also sucks when you're unhappy simply because you don't like what i'm saying.

so it's easier to just not talk.
no quarrels. no fights. no misunderstandings. no miscommunications.

there's always this breakdown in the communication and i don't know what to do about it.
and sometimes, coward as it may seem, i just don't want to deal with it.

freaking out

placement starts tomorrow.

i'm freaking out a little. keeping my fingers crossed.

i want so badly to like it. so so badly.

simply fantasies

you can dream and imagine a zillion scenarios if you want to.

but if you choose not to say anything or do anything, they'll always be just that.

and you have no right to be upset. no right at all.

this is a bad time to start panicking over non-exam related stuff.

but i just received an email and it made me realized that all my financial documents for air weapons are in my own computer and i didn't back up the files. %^&*

talk about being screwed. how am i going to account for everything now?! please please please let someone be able to repair my laptop and allow me to recover my files. :(

i can't do anything now so it's time to focus on my last paper.

note to self

last paper tomorrow and soon everything will be over.

note to self:
CHEW JIA HUI, YOU CAN DO IT!
just hang in there for one more day so you won't regret not studying harder!
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★ Welcome!

jiahui
23
15nov1990
~~PEPS~~
~~CTSS~~ [♥4d1'06]
NP [♥Psychology & Community Services]
~~NUS~~ [Social Work]
♥ SIMPLE PLAN
♥ ZAI ZAI
♥ UNACAS
chewjh@hotmail.com