i should never have taken up the position. what the hell was going through my mind? me not being firm enough in my decision has led to my own unhappiness. why did i allow myself to be so easily persuaded? why do i feel bad so easily? why does it matter to me if they do not have enough people who wanted to run for the exco? why do i have to feel bad about that and agree to run?

someone told me this awhile back: "though i do wonder does being so considerate all the time comes with too much effort for comfot. do take good care of yourself and stand up to represent your personal discomfort when it happens ok?"

i wished the person had told me that earlier. maybe it would given me the resolve to have followed through with my decision instead of being swayed. i would have stood up for myself made a decision that would have made me happy rather than how i am feeling now.

it's been less than a month. one whole year to go. FML.

but patience wears thin and gradually i bite the bait

and everything blows up in our faces.

i am so sick of it.

and i am so freaking tired.

i just want to have my holidays in peace.

nobody to tell me what i should do.

nobody complaining and bitching about everything to me.

maybe i'm heartless.

but maybe i just need some ME time.

can holidays please don't end so soon?

placement is officially over! submitted the portfolio on tuesday and went back to office to pack everything and even kept our tables and chairs. it feels sad knowing that i won't be going back to the office anymore regularly. even if i do go back, it will probably be just to visit.

these past 10 weeks of placement have really been awesome! :D it was admittedly stressful at times especially when dealing with casework. there were times that i suddenly broke down into tears but i have really learnt a lot! there were so many awesome things about placement! awesome partner and friend, Ying Ting! :D really glad to have known her better through placement! awesome colleagues! awesome elderly! awesome seminar tutor! most importantly, the most awesome supervisor of all, Candida! :D

i have really learnt so much from her in terms of social work and even about being a better person. she really inspires me to become a good social worker like her! i am really grateful for all the time she spent guiding me, encouraging me. i have really been blessed to have a supervisor like her! :D

if i were to compare my two internships, they are on two extremes. this is heaven and that was really hell. as jean said, God is indeed kind. i have really been blessed to be given this placement and such an awesome supervisor. i really ought to let go of that horrible experience and count my blessing now! :D

with Ying Ting! :D thanks for everything! :D