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daddy!
my dad is starting his new job as a security officer on tuesday. he was wearing the uniform for us to see. at first, we were laughing and teasing him. but suddenly i felt an overwhelming urge to cry. what happened? all my life i've known him as a taxi driver. but he had to have macular degeneration when eyesight is most important to a taxi driver. at 58, he has to look for a new job to support our family. 12 hours, 6 days a week despite his ailments and age. it's worse than his job as a taxi driver. all these just for us and yet at times i'm so unfilial. arguing, fighting, when nobody wins anyway. i will do my best to make him proud of me. i will give to him and to my mum as much as they have given me.
i was reading through past entries. 4 years back, i was struggling with these: 1) taking everything too seriously
2) high expectations 3) stress and tension 4 years later, which is now, i'm still struggling with the same stuff. i haven't grown out of it, have i? ups and downs
there is only so much disappointment that you can take.and one day you just simply give up. what's the use of trying when it feels like you're the only one trying? what's the use of trying and only getting hurt in the process? what's the use of getting your hopes up only to be disappointed in the end? what is the use? no. i'm not giving up. i just won't try so hard anymore. i'll just let nature take its course. if it comes, it comes. if it goes, it goes. all this disappointment has taken a toll on me. it dampens my spirits. i want to be a happier person. on a side note, placement is really fulfilling. i have the MOST AWESOME supervisor. thank god for that. i'm super inspired by her. i aspire to be a true blue social worker just like her. i'll keep pushing forward. make the last 5 weeks count! learn as much as i can! jiayou jia hui! i can do it when i believe in myself!
stronger and better
because i take everything so seriously, at times i find life just too tough.it's tiring to keep pushing on. it's tiring to take everything so seriously. but i don't know how to change or what i can do to change. everyday i grapple with myself over various issues. i am so tired everyday. i just want to be the best that i can be. a person with more confidence. a person who speaks up. a person who does not radiate so much tension. is that really too much to ask for? do i have too high expectations of myself? i am not ok with being tense. i'm used to it. but it gets really tiring being tense all the time. it drains my energy away. i just want to be a strong person, a better person. 
boundaries
i'm enjoying placement but it is so stressful especially with all the work undone. everyday, i feel like that's a heavy load weighing down upon me. i can't seem to separate my life from work. and that would be my undoing in time. i need to finish my work and i really need to draw a boundary between work and my life. -------------------------------------- we're no longer close.what happened? nothing. just time. or rather life simply happened and we left each other behind. there are times when i look back at the good times and think what a pity that we're so distant now. but i guess that's life. a few stay. while the rest of us leave each other behind at different points of time in our life.
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