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- just believe in yourself and don't panic during the papers!

i had imagined different scenarios on what would happen if we were to meet but never this. it was so unexpected that i had to do a double take. i didn't realize it was you. but when i did, i just turned away and quickly walked off, hoping that you didn't see me yet hoping you did.

did you see me? what went through your mind when you saw me?

no, i'm really honestly not affected by it. i'm just curious. i guess i just want to know if it had meant as much to you as it did to me. but i will never know. and it doesn't really matter anymore. i've moved on.

sometimes i really feel like i'm drowning under expectations. not expectations that others have for me but expectations i have for myself.

and i really wish i could just cry it all out to someone. let the tears flow. let the words flow. let all the fears, the worries, the anxiety all out. but even that takes courage. and sometimes even when i work up the courage to do so and the words are about to spill out, something holds me back. maybe it's pride.

i haven't been getting a good sleep in a long while and i don't know why. every night, i wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes it takes me so long to go back to sleep. please let me have a good sleep :/

please give me a hug when you see me. cos i'm really tired. and i really need a hug.

why can't i just freaking calm down.

where does worrying bring me?

NOWHERE.

fuck it.

all these talk about wanting to help others

when i can't even help myself.

bullshit. this is all freaking bullshit.

does my grades matter so much?

does getting a second upper class honours really matter so much?

yes it does. it freaking does.

but some things are not within my control.

i can only do my best.

and not worry too much about the outcome.

so why can't i freaking get that?!

stop thinking and just do. just do it.

and i'm sorry if i was such a spoiler tonight being in a daze and not talking much.

sometimes, all we really need is to believe in ourselves. we just have to do our very best, put in our best efforts in what we do. we don't exactly have control over the outcome but what we have is the knowledge that we have given it our best shot. there is no use over-worrying whether what you've done is good enough. maybe it is. then it is a reward for your efforts. maybe it isn't. then it'll just be another learning opportunity.

it's time to take a deep breath, relax and remained focused on the task. there is no point in worrying at all. it only takes your attention away from the task at hand.

i can do it. i know i can. i just need to believe in myself.

What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

indeed, what are words if you really don't mean them? as copied from yiwen's facebook:

now is not the time. really not the time. exams are almost here. it's time to focus. give it my best shot. maybe when that's over and placement is over, it's time to really look for the answers.

突然间我也觉得自己其实很幸福! :D

cos i'm surrounded by family and loved ones.

thank you angeline for making me realize that with your photo caption :P

thank you to those who've been with me all this while:

angeline, melissa, tecky and guolian. <3

sometimes, i think i'm a good liar. most people don't feel so. but that's cos i've been lying to myself and it's become some form of personal truth to me. so when i share with others, it ain't really a lie cos i honestly believe in it. i haven't been lying to people, i've just been lying to myself.

or maybe i'm just confused.

too scared to take the first step

too scared to step out of our comfort zone

too scared to face the unknown

so we live our life as it is

not saying the things we really want to say

not doing the things we really want to do

and when we look back

we wonder what could have been.

all that's left are regrets and more regrets

maybe it's time to stop being so afraid.

just maybe.