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i'm super pathetic. wanted to take a nap cause i was tired but i can't freaking fall asleep cause i'm too anxious and i can't relax. what is seriously wrong with me. and what if your best just isn't enough?
medicine
it's been a long time since i blasted simple plan songs. medicine for the soul indeed.
why do i waste practically my whole day away. then use the remaining part of the day feeling guilty about it. and to think i'm considering working in the afternoons on weekends. should i? :/
rant
i've been blogging a lot recently. i guess there's just a lot on my mind and i just really need to find an outlet to express it all.here and there, i'm losing faith in myself. i question myself every step of the way. is what i am pursuing really what i want out of my life? i may speak with conviction about what i'm pursuing but do i honestly feel that way? am i just feeling all this because i feel that i cannot live up to expectations? or is there something more to all this? i truly enjoy what i'm studying. but to put theory to practice, i'm not sure if i really can do it. but i guess it's this negativity that's bound to bring me down and i should be more optimistic, give it my best shot before making such remarks. i also can't stop thinking. i keep thinking and thinking and thinking. my mind is so cluttered. i really should stop thinking so much, stop reading into things so deeply. as long as i know and feel i've done nothing wrong, what do i have to be afraid of? i should stop projecting my feelings on other people, thinking they're unhappy with me, angry with me. if i don't intend to do anything about it and even ask them how they really feel, what's the point of all this thoughts? and there's this other thing i'm so confused about. i should really just stop over-thinking matters. things are great just the way they are. i should stop complicating them. ok. end of rant. on a side note, anybody want to watch gnomeo and juliet?
irrational beliefs
Irrational Beliefs #1 It is a necessity for me to be loved or approved by everyone for everything I do (Albert Ellis, 1962) i guess i should stop being irrational then. but it's hard.
a dream that was so out of place. i was too young and too foolish. i shall not make the same mistakes again. i should stop holding on to the hope of seeing you someday. cause i don't even know why i want to do so. probably just some weird kind of curiosity. it's for the better this way.
be strong
i need to get a better grip of my emotions. i need to cast my feelings of incompetency and inadequacy away. i need to be more positive. i should be focusing on what's important and not about me and my feelings. CHEW JIA HUI, BE STRONGER!
time
只是想多留一会儿，多说一些话。因为时间错过了，就再也找不回来了。 stressed stressed stressed. 1)House Visit 2)Research Essay 3)Response Paper 4)Readings, readings, readings and more readings will i be able to catch up at this point in time? and i can't put a name to this feeling.
what are you afraid of?
Today, my teacher asked to everyone in my class, “What are you afraid of?”. I was the only one who didn’t answer her question right away, so she came to me and whispered “What are you afraid of, Gi? The dark maybe? Monster under the bed?” and she laughed as I kept quiet. And then I answered her ” I’m not afraid of the dark, teacher. I’m not afraid of monster under my bed. The dark is way too comforting for me to ever be afraid of it, it’s calm, it’s quiet, it’s when you can finally drop your mask and be yourself, it’s when you don’t need to pretend to be perfect to please everyone else. I’m not afraid of monsters under my bed, because I know where they actually are, and it is not under my bed, but within each person in this room. Everyone has a demon, everyone has something they regret.” and, surprised, she asked again “Then, what are you afraid of?”, as I replied, “Easy. I’m afraid of all the minutes where I’m alone. Where I’ve got nothing to do. Because that’s the time my thoughts come rushing in, and I just can’t control them. That’s the time, I can’t control myself. I’m not afraid of anyone, of anything. I’m afraid of this lonely moments, where I’m actually, afraid of myself”. on a happier note
angeline is my best mugging partner ever! ♥ i accomplish so much more when studying with her and i get to spend so much more time with her as compared to the past few months. [thanks angeline! :D] this totally reminds me of the good old days in secondary 4 where we mugged together :)so i'm finally working hard. it's a little late in the semester to start but i really hope it's not too late. everything's going great for now. i hope it lasts :) Previous Next |
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