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why do i feel the way i am feeling when i know i shouldn't feel the way i am feeling. it's time to forget everything else and just study. sighs
happy 18th angeline!
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY! This post is dedicated to a very special someone. My dearest friend and sister, Angeline! Still remember those days when we mugged at JW library? Though studying isn't supposed to be fun, but i really enjoyed those days when we studied together! Hope you'll have a wonderful day ahead! I love you!
study
i must study. two chapters at the very least for today.focus focus. remember mr chiang's words.
happiness
it was an amazing feeling. just to hear the happiness ringing from every word. you never knew someone would want to talk to you so much. you never knew just a phone call could mean so much you never knew that even you could mean so much. it was such a wonderful feeling calling coca and talking to him, channa, narong, srey pea. i felt a warmth spreading through my body. my heart started aching yet in a good way. i long to return but i no longer am that obssesed person as before. it seems as if i have finally struck a balance. i miss them , i love them and i want to return to UNACAS. but i am willing to wait, to be considerate to the people around me, to put my parents before myself. "you can't get everything you want" i understand what i haven't been able to before, when i was too self-absorbed. it's a wonderful feeling knowing you love and people loved you back. i'm glad i called to wish coca happy birthday. because it not only made him happy, it made me happy too! (:
impending doom.
common tests are practically here. it's a pretty bad time. JC students just finished their A's. everybody is meeting up or going out and here I am the procrasinating bug is in me. urgh. no more procrasination. i procrasinate way too much.
breathe in breate out. i must learn to keep my temper in check.
my mood has been freaking bad these days. don't piss me off. i'll bite your head off. damn it. don't anyhow touch then ruin things. i totally wasted my time last night.
monster
it's not that i don't want to tell people.it's just that i can't. because i know people will think of me badly. how could they think well of me, when i feel like a monster myself? i need the strength to control my emotions. i want to be more understanding, to be more forgiving. to be more tolerant. i'm sorry for what it's worth.
tired
no more proper conversations.
always quarrels. always tears. i find it in my heart hard to love. but it makes me hate myself for that. it's hard to understand. i try to. but sometimes its just so hard. just too hard. nothing i do ever pleases you. my 18th! :D
a long overdue post but definitely necessary to put everything down in words so i'll never forget it! :D 14/11/08 (Friday) had a wonderful surprise during counselling tutorial. in the midst of counselling yiwen in front of the class, suki, jaslyn and yanty suddenly entered the room with a birthday cake. :D it was something totally unexpected. i thought the three of them were late once again =x apparently, mr glen was in on it too. thank you suki, jaslyn, yanty, zoe, yiwen, zhiying, sinyee and jinghui for the cake and the surprise. i'm touched. i honestly never thought my friends from poly would actually plan something special for my birthday! thank you once again! :D  thanks for the surprise :D  zoe. jaslyn. suki. me. yanty :D  me. eunice. yiwen. zhiying. sin yee. :D  mr glen! :D when i was on my way home, guolian called me saying that she wanted to print stuff. i thought that it was weird but didn't think too much about it. then my father came home and kept saying "downstairs...downstairs..." then after that asking whether any of my friends called me. right after that guolian called me saying she fell down and needed a plaster. LOL. i went down to my void deck and found guolian and angeline waiting with a cake for me. it wasn't much of a surprise since my dad gave it away despite them telling him not too. so cute. xD but thanks a lot for the surprise and coming despite your A's! i thought nobody will celebrate with me till their A's are over. woohoo! love you guys! i really appreciate it. since secondary 1 till now and i hope this friendship will go on and on for the rest of our lives! :D (guolian: despite misunderstandings and loads of unhappy stuff, i'm glad we have pull through all of it! i'm really glad to have a friend like you)(angeline: you're probably my longest friend from secondary school! i've never regret having you as my friend. still remember the wallet-sized card you gave me with the octopus in front during sec 2? i still keep it with me :D)  cheesecake! :D thanks for remembering what i liked:D  angeline! my dearest sister! :D  guolian! :DDD  guolian, me, angeline! thanks for everything! :D not forgetting a surprise i had when i reached home. there was a cake left on the living room table. it was from eddee! :D he came and dropped the cake off at my house! i was really shocked cause A's was still on! thanks! from primary school till now! i'm glad we're still in contact! thanks for the cake! see you soon!   lavande! delicious! :D 15/11/08 (Saturday) met up with geraldine. headed to arab street for desert. it was a sinful indulgence. the shop sold really nice ice cream though! :D walked around arab street and it was nice looking around. first time i've really walked about arab street. headed for dinner with family together with geraldine! serene was there too! it was really enjoyable though it would have been better without my brother's hidden meanings behind what he say or look at! but despite it all, i still love him. though he might think me as his irritating pesky little sister. thanks geraldine for celebrating with me! :D really appreciated it! thanks for the present too! :D i think i will only use it on special occasions for fear of spoiling it! thank you people for the birthday well wishes: eddee. brother. huixin. esthersoh. guolian. max. angeline. melissa. serene. irene. jinghui. huimin. huiling. zirui. wenshi. sheena. waikit. choomin. tecky. yingpeng. jessicachia. nelson. caihong. caixia. siewfang. peibao. xuan. sini. jasmine. peixian. yiwen. isabelle. christine. tsuhui. suki. yuci. zhuangwei. fengkai. sinyee. shengyuan. wilson. eunice. weiling. weicheng. shawnpoh. geraldine. jansen. jolene. yiming. sijie. susan. boonkeng. :DDD  huge thanks to irene for the lovely jigsaw puzzle of the collage i made of UNACAS! i was really touched! many thanks to my brother and serene for fulfilling my dream of getting books and more books! haha! :D most importantly, thank you mr chiang! :D i'm not sure how he remembered my birthday but receiving the message from him did make a very special mark on my 18th birthday! :D he remains as one of my favourite teacher and mentor! "Happy are those who dream dreams and and are ready to pay a price to make them come true. Hope you're still pursuing your dream. Happy Birthday". i feel a sort of renewed strength and faith and i dare say i'm still purusing my dream and i believe i can reach it someday. :D a year older. a slate wiped clean. a fresh start. let me start out with stronger faith to hold onto my dreams and also to minimise prejudices i have against people. i am no saint but at least i hope my level of tolerance would increase and i wouldn't let what people do affect me. thank you my dear friends for making my birthday such a wonderful one! :D love-hate
you have no right to show any emotion at all.no matter how tired or frustrated you are. you have no right to be irritated. when your computer keeps getting switched off and it takes a freaking long time to start up. and you have so much work to do. you only get your day ruined no matter how happy you were. this is so freaking screwed up. i think i finally understand it. emotions
i'm not as easily bothered by unhappy stuff as i used to be in the past. and i'm glad to say so. it gives one a peace of mind.when i'm unhappy, i just rant it out and everything feels so much better after that. it doesn't just keep popping up in my mind. in the past, i can rant and rant and i'm still bothered by it. maybe, i've finally learnt a little bit, just a little bit, of control over my emotions. 3 cheers to that. but i guess it also largely has to do with the people around me. how can i be unhappy when people love me for who i am despite the faults that i have. whenever i'm down, someone always ends up cheering me up whether conciously or unconciously knowing that i'm unhappy. on thursday, i was really stressed with all the stuff i had to complete by friday. then, melissa, angeline and mr glen talked to me. and though all were only short conversations but yet it gave me the strength to work on through the night. :D today i finally met up with weiwen and talked to him for quite some time. something i haven't done in a long time. emotions always mess with my head. i become illogical. i think people don't want to talk to me anymore. they are using me. but it's not true. and wei wen, if you're reading this, i'm really glad to finally meet up and talk to you! despite the long period of absence from each other lives, you still mean the world! my brother say i can't control my emotions which i admit. but maybe i'm just getting a little better at it. i used to say i put on a mask but inside i'm hurting. now, i would say, my emotions are mostly readable on my face but behind my facial expression, there lies a smile. because i know i'm loved. that's all that matters. Previous Next |
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