;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

a fear; a wish

please. please. please.
i have never wanted something more than ever.
i'm so scared. so very afraid.
it's like there's a pit in my stomach everytime i think about it.
the fear grips my heart.
a sudden loss of appetite.
it's so suffocating till i could just cry.

even when i dream, i see what i would not like to see.
please don't let my dreams come true.

an unreachable dream

i found something that i really want to do. it's something which i would love to commit my whole life to doing. but is it accomplishable? is it even possible? maybe, i should not be too ambitious. lower the dreams, the expectations, maybe it won't hurt that much when the dreams are dashed. especially since reality does not allow me to do as such. it's not about giving up but maybe about being more realistic. i could still commit but maybe not a daily basis. i could still do so much more. i know i can.

anyway, I MISS NG SHU LING SHEENA LOADS! <3

when i said "you cannot stop me". i have never said truer words. i am sorry. but this means way too much to me. so much so that i am willing to disobey.

i am sorry.

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TECKY!

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TECKY! :D

i know this entry is belated but it's never too late right? Anyway, i hope you had a wonderful birthday this year! after all, you're finally 18! :D you can drink, you can watch M18 movies and you can club, though i totally can't envision you do that. but, looks can be decieving =x

await my present! :D and you are indeed one of my most treasured friends! :D CHEERS!

the saddest words

those words broke my heart.
it's not that i forget.
it's not that i didn't care.
i just don't know how to approach the question.
and i really didn't dare to ask.
because asking would only bring back a rush of memories
and i don't ever want to see him sad.

my greatest wish.
my greatest fear.

and i hope the dreams that i have been having in my sleep won't come true.

don't you think you're always scolding me for the most ridiculous things?
can't you all talk nicely.
is ignorance really wrong?

screw it.

happy birthday suki!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SUKI! :DD

this entry came late but i decided to post after the surprise party today. hope that you were indeed surprised though you did ruin the surprise by returning home so early =x but it was fun! hope that you did have a wonderful 18th birthday this year! so many surprises, huh? (: anyway, i'm glad to have a panicky friend like you! :D

因为有着爱我的人，所以感到特别的幸福！

if only.

meet up with geraldine was great (: been a long time since i've last seen her. time spent with loved ones are the moments which i look forward to the most and also the ones which i treasure. (: despite busy schedules, its nice to know that you are still remembered. there's some people i really need to catch up with! people like angeline, esther, sheena and huixin whom i've not seen for a long long time. and i really miss you, lim wei wen. but i doubt you'll read this.

time and distance can bring people closer yet can tear others apart. the drift between us was caused by the both of us. but i know it isn't too late to salvage it. mel once told me try not to give up any friendships. yes, this friendship is one which i really cherish and i will never give it up. (: i wish to be there for you but i guess i just don't know how to approach it. maybe cause we now belong to two different worlds, no longer in the same school and even in different kinds of insitutions. you're in JC while i'm in poly. maybe. just maybe. but i know we could work it out. i hope to return to the time when i was in sec 3 and you in sec 2. that was when we were the closest. i am indeed blessed to have a friend and brother like you. let us not let scouts get into the way of our friendship. you mean so much more. wei wen, just know that i'll be there for you no matter what. i just don't how to express it. i miss our conversations. i miss everything.

what a day. talking to geraldine brings back feelings of nostalgia. those good old days. ah. makes me sound kind of old.

meeting geraldine tomorrow (:
yayy!

brain and behaviour is finally over.
i've learnt quite a lot.
but i don't think i will perform that well.
sighs.

gloomy gloomy day.
super moody.
there's always a kind of fear that resides in my heart.
i need more confidence.
i need to stay strong!

jiahui jiayou ba!

irene: qing ai de! don't cry! please stay strong for mili ok? (: i'll help you with anything i can. this, i promise you! lovess.

复杂的世界

最近的我，总觉得很闷。
我的心又痛又酸。

我好想念那简单的日子。
我也真的好想念他们。
没有一天是我没想到他们的。

在那里我感受了真实感。
在那里我学到简单的快乐.

我好想，真的好想回去。
也许不是他们需要我，而是我需要他们。

我无法承受着复杂的世界。
这个争锋夺利的世界。
我从没想过这种事会发生在我身上。
但我错了。

人原来是那么恐怖的。
人原来是那么虚伪的。
人也都戴着面具。
我不也是吗？

但也许我从没特意的伤过人。
就算伤过也不是为了自己的利益。

而现在，受伤的是我。
但也只能吞下委屈。
无法抗议，无法做解释。
因为除了朋友，其他人都不会相信。

我好疲倦。真的好疲倦。
没信心的我也许只能这样而已。

disappointment

i could say i don't care, but i'm lying.
i could say it doesn't hurt, but i'm lying still.

it's like a stab in a heart.
disappointment as i have never felt before.
people believe in what they want to believe
they listen to what they want to listen.

so don't tell me its a mistake.
because you chose to believe in what you heard.
than to believe in me.

why did i shed tears over something that probably wasn't worth it after all?

do you really know me? do i really know you?

stress

i thought i completed a lot of my work but, maybe not so. still left with speech comm tutorial and most importantly, brain and behaviour which is like due on wednesday? tutorial also not discussed yet. ahhh. at least pamphlet has been divided. guess i should take things one step at a time. I NEED TO BREATHE! or i'm gonna hyperventilate.

i'm stressed but i guess i'm used to it. isn't stress a part of life? especially when we're refering to life in a fast-paced society such as singapore? it's tiring yet somehow we are all able to make it. different people would have various motivators which keeps them going. so i'm glad for the people around me who makes life so much easier and so much bearable. (: and i'm grateful for all the lovely e-mails and sms-es from cambodia which keeps me going too.

i'm stressed. i'm tired. but i know i'll make it (:

angeline if you're reading this, I MISS YOU! ): let's meet up soon alrights? (: lovess <33

i just hate i&e. i can't wait to be done with it. well, at least now i can twist wires rather well but what use is that anyway? i guess the only good thing out of the whole i&e is that we have a wonderful tutor. enough said.

a sudden thought struck me. after having seen such genuineness, it seems that my expectations have become unrealistic. but still there are still people who have been absolute angels. what could i have done without them? thank you so much suki especially these past few days :DD

there are times when i keep looking back to my secondary school days. it was there where i found genuinity. where i found most of my truest friends. but i'm glad i managed to found some in poly too. (:

thank you for everything suki and irene :DD

been working rather hard the past few days. even i am amazed at how much i have completed these past 3 days? =x it's so unlike me to finish work so much earlier than the deadline.

well, i guess its cause i have wonderful people to study with like suki and yanty (: studying with them is always so full of laughter especially cause of suki! :DD and i have various sources of motivation which i can draw strength from now. the words that miss heidi said to my parents is definitely something which makes me want to live up to. (: and also Bell's words keeps me going too. :D his e-mails never fail to brighten my day no matter how gloomy is it. (: thank you so much. . all the words said, all the laughter shared and all the tears shed. they are deep now in my heart/

it's the little things in life that makes one happy. there will be things that will upset you but just remember the little things in life and smile (:

ps. sheena, not an emo post anymore! :D
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jiahui
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15nov1990
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