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tecky. says (2:01 AM): lol tecky. says (2:01 AM): errm tecky. says (2:01 AM): i wasn late tecky. says (2:01 AM): never was tecky. says (2:02 AM): never will hmmm. so if tecky was never late, then who was late on monday? muahaha! and never will be late? we'll see! =D *evil* i'm always told to understand others. but who will try to understand me then? a one-sided story and you refuse to listen to mine. you chose to scold me without even trying to listen. doesn't it hurt too for me? why can't you understand? i've tried my best. i shut my mouth up. i didn't argue back but it didn't work did it? it went on and went on and all i said was shut up. its just a breaking point to my limits. everyone have their limits don't they? i've already mellowed down but its unseen in your eyes. don't you think its tough for me? i've so many things going through my mind. school, scouts, friends. i feel like i could go crazy with all the things. whatever i do never seems to be right for you all. and thanks for making me break down in front of others. insecurities
went to school today to help put up curtains for red camp. mr glen treated us to lunch and the funniest thing is he had no money to pay so i paid first. =x but still, thanks mr glen! (:wanted to start on lecturettes when i reached home but i ended up sleeping. good game. feeling damn stressed now. too many things to complete and all by thursday because friday onwards got chalet le. things to be done: - lecturette - reserach and stats - PBL - study for FRS test. can anyone save me? )): my whole week is so packed either by red camp or scouts stuff. tomorrow after painting the banner for campfire better start on all the work le. or i'll really be in deep shit. sighs. i realised i really seek approval and reassurance from people around me. just a small praise can make me so happy and vice versa, a criticism and i'll feel terrible. its horrible to always have to face these feelings of insecurities.all along, i seeked for approval. i do get it from some. but for others especially those very important to me, i just can't seem to get it. it's kinda pathetic. but sometimes it feels like everything i do is pretty wrong. even planning the chalet is wrong. yes, it takes up my time but at the end of the day, i'm happy, everyone is happy, why not? good results but no praise. it probably doesn't mean anything. but sometimes all i need is a little approval, a little assurance, a little encouragement. a soreness that still exists. never knew anyone to be that heartless. happy 17th birthday! (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ! ((:and of course not forgetting WEN SHI! (: had a lot of fun for the past few days. 13Nov2007 melissa, guolian, tsu hui, esther ng, ying peng, zhuang wei, zirui celebrated my birthday with me in advance! (: not forgetting, melissa and guolian actually ask geraldine and wei wen along to surprise me. geraldine came but not wei wen )): boo! had dinner at pastamania. and it was really fun. ((: after all, it's always the company that is the most important. i actually fell for zirui's trick when he told me to lend him money because they had no money to pay for my cake. =.= but anyway most importantly, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR MAKING MY DAY! *HUGGIES* <33 some photos taken:  HELLO ZHUANG WEI! (:  ying peng and mel. so sweet! xD  my birthday cake! (;  me and geraldine! ((:  groupie! ((:  hello ventures! ((:  me stheng and zhuang wei! ((:  me and my darling mel! ((:  thank you ying peng, yu yuan and felicia for the pretty roses! ((:  the sweet card by tsu hui! ((:  thank you geraldine! <33 href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank">  thank you angeline mei! ((: thanks for the reassurance! ((: _______________________________________________________________ 15Nov2007 my 17th birthday! (: i'm older but still young at heart! =x had lunch at alumni clubhouse with ms lim! miss her so much! it was really fun though it was like gobbling all the food down and we were already late for mr glen's class. felt so guilty. =/ then, during mr glen's lesson, they actually sang bdae song for me again. thanks everybody! (: and when i stepped out of class, saw some of the Ao1 people and they actually sang reuben's version of happy birthday for me. thanks a lot! ((: the largest surprise came during sociology lesson. i recieved shu xian's present! it was not only a boquet of flowers but it was accompained by a huge sun balloon and a doraemon! thank you so much shu xian, if you're reading my blog. it's the sweetest gift anyone has given me though it must have cost a bomb. thanks dear! (: after lesson, yiwen, zhi ying, jing hui, sin yee actually got me two cute little cakes! (: thank you so much! *huggies* went back home. and guess what? i locked myself out of the house. i must be the first person who locked myself out of my house on my birthday. forgot to bring key. parents not at home. and i was holding shu xian's present. didn't want to bring it with me for dinner as i didn't want to spoil it and it was very hard to board the bus =x so had to leave it at wai kit's house. dinnered at mad jack with mel and geraldine! the food is simply fantastic! (: thank you melissa for the recommendation! (: picked up shu xian's present on the way home and got another surprise! my parents bought me a precious moment jewellry box! ((: it was really a great day! ((: everybody sure made my day. thank you everybody for your birthday wishes, whether is it through sms, friendster, facebook, phone call or face to face. thank you for the presents too! thank you so so much! you guys sure made my birthday a wonderful one! ((: lastly, some pictures to end off:  ms lim and sin yee! ((;  ms lim and jing hui! ((:  xuan zi lian-ing with my cam! LOL!  me and yiwen! <33 her!  xuan and yiwen! ((:  me and xuan! ((:  hello blur queen, choo min! ((:  me and sin yee! (: *huggies*  me and zhiying! (:  me and eunice! ((:  me and jinghui!  me and mr glen! ((:  shu xian's present  the boquet <33  the doraemon!  and the sunshine balloon that just makes people smile! ((:  see, everybody loves the balloon!  thanks a million, shu xian! ((:  me and dearest yiwen!  that's benjamin!  and finally, the cakes! ((: acting like some big shot. you ain't. and you simply don't deserve my respect. NATO. bleah. felt so sick and tired after yesterday. just couldn't take it anymore. broke down today. why do i always have to put on a smile and act as everything is alright even if it isn't? i'm surrounded but i could never feel more lonely than ever. to face that almost every single time is simply suffocating. and it makes me wonder what i've done again? maybe i should have gone AJC, where my friends are. at least today was a great day. (: supposed to meet aik nen to get paint for the art of love project. in the end, pearlyn, evangeline, gerry, jia feng and alissa came. so we went out after getting the paint. alissa and aik nen left first. then we lunched at kfc. listening to gerry makes me feel that he is such an old man. =x headed to the arcade. it was fun fun fun (: lost in mario kart to gerry by just a little bit. wasted ): then walked around and ate ben and jerry. walked past donut factory and there was like no queue at all! yays. finally bought them. bought 12 home for my family. ate the double choc. yummy yummy!((: and not forgetting. weiwen remembered my bdae (: totally made my day! never mind. never mind. never mind. i knew it. it was never easy in the first place. so many things left undone. so many words left unsaid. i miss melissa. )): i want to whine. inspired (:
yesterday was a great day anyway had a great time talking to him. feel so inspired and motivated after talking to him! ((: glad that he has so much faith in me. i shall have faith in myself too! i will try my very best to get into NUS or NTU! ((: GO JIA HUI GO! went to west mall to meet my parents after that. got my zai zai's album! yays! ZAI ZAI IS LOVE! <33 went to check my eyes too. my oh well, essay time! slept early last night thanks to my headache! GO GO GO! ((: renewed
ahhh. slacked for one whole day. congratulations to me. i even cancelled going out with esther in the hope to complete my assignment but somehow the lazy bug got to me and i haven't done any productive thing for my school work. though i did for scouts. sometimes all these stuff that i have to do is totally suffocating me. i am getting tired and am guilty of even thinking of skipping the scouts meeting last saturday. but lucky it turned out pretty productive. i would say one of the most productive meetings. suddenly feel a renewed enthusasim. and i believe that the campfire will work out some way some how. because though there are slackers but there are always enthusastic ones too. ((:  the structure we built! (: i am motivated now. both for scouts and for school. ((: after talking to sir. gonna do some work now. i'll work hard. (:
sometimes the foolishest thing can be the most enticing one. even if you know you are going to hate yourself for it you still want to do it. you know what? this ain't jealousy but you will never ever understand. Previous Next |
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