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because it's simply a shadow that never leaves. always following me. you know why i can't get over it totally. because everybody, everything is there to remind me. a question that left me at a loss for words. awkwardness. i didn't know how to answer. conversation continued. i've learned the truth. but is that the truth that i've always been searching for? maybe? but i'm not satisfied. i feel worse than ever. cheated. betrayal of trust. but why does it even matter now, right? damn. i'm an idiot pained. because sometimes they don't understand. blah. presenting the bully! Jia Hui ` and when you can only wonder ___ x says (10:41 PM): wan die la la Jia Hui ` and when you can only wonder ___ x says (10:41 PM): lol tecky. says (10:41 PM): hahahaha tecky. says (10:41 PM): lol tecky. says (10:41 PM): yeah tecky. says (10:41 PM): go die such nice friend i have! =D LOL! exhausted
i'm totally exhausted. total lack of sleep. been feeling tired since camp even though it has already been a few days. i need sleep. been waking up early every day to go work. and i'm tired mentally and emotionally too.why did i even think i could be a relief teacher? maybe reliefing isn't that bad but i was told that i did not have to teach. and now, i have to teach. not that there's anything negative to having to teach but i feel so incompetent and totally lost having to really teach. i have never ever taught in my whole life or recieved any training for it. and all of a sudden i'm thrown in front of a class full of students who are around my age. i think i'm a horrible teacher. really hope that i don't screw their studies up for that week. boo! )): really felt so close to tears while i was teaching because i felt so helpless. tomorrow gonna try my hand at teaching again. please let this time be fine. please. suddenly, i find myself thinking overly much again. thoughts just keep running pass my mind, making me feel totally shitty. friends? the vicious cycle repeats. why do people just love to make promises they can't keep. with a promise, hopes are higher, and you'll fall much harder. maybe i'm an overly-sensitive person but promises are extremely important at least to me. so don't make them if you can't keep them. because someone is bound to get hurt. and the past just plays on repeat every once in awhile. everytime i step into JW, i find myself searching for you. i want to see you so badly yet i don't want to see you so badly. seemingly foolish but i can't stop myself. at least, this time i know for sure that this ain't love. it's only a longing for the past that could never be. foolishness. Love Genesis
finally here to blog about passion synergy's camp LOVE GENESIS 2007! (: let the love grow and spread! (: 5th Sept 2007 - 8th Sept 2007! these 4days3nights, i will remember them always! (: made a lot of new friends through this camp! started off this camp with only knowing tecky and feng kai and soon got to know a lot more and didn't feel as awkward as before. the first day which was the preparation day was really fun! tried out the bonding games and it got pretty high. (: then went for night walk. i was pretty freaked out especially after hearing the story about blk 52. o.O yong soon was giving scientific reasons why we see ghosts, but still freaky all the same. then hardly slept, since it was freezing cold and the smart me or rather lazy me did not bring sleeping bag or even a jacket.the next day met up with the campers! at first, everybody was pretty un-enthu during the ice-breaking and all but with the night station games everybody got heated up and into the 'high' mood! played with flour and though it got messy and dirty but it sure was fun! though cleaning up the mess wasn't fun at all since we couldn't see if there was any flour left as it was really really dark. but still the second day ended off well! (: third day, the amazing race day! we emerged second in terms of points and third in terms of speed! (: good job, my dear red tiggers! (: was realy exhausted after it but amazingly we stil had alot of energy left after the amazing race. put up our tarzan & jane performance which we won the best performance! and mass dance was so totally high! woots! it was really really fun! ((: and so we rushed out the powerpoint slides for the project till everybody was so tired out. and finally, the last day of the camp. rushed out the slides had presentation and prize persentation. the auction was fun! we auctioned for the third gift and it was one of the very few which was not a booby trap! yays! lucky us! took one WHOLE group photo! (: through this camp really made alot of friends! yeah man! (: THE RED TIGGERS: KELVIN & JIA HUI MELISE, AMY, SARAH, JUN JIE, LEO, JEFFERY, GUO YANG, ROYSTON! (: I LOVE THEM ALL! pictures and more pictures below! those who wan the pictures, contact me through msn! (: ---------------------------------------------  MELISE (:  SARAH (:  KELVIN (:  AMY (:  kelvin me and cheun kiat! (:  JUN JIE (:  our first clue for the amazing race!  boon keng, here we come!  kelvin, royston and me!(:  identities! (:  RED TIGGERS! WE SO RAWK! (:  me and amy!  me and leo! (: with an extra kelvin behind!  leo and royston! (:  leo and guoyang! (:  jeffery and leo! (;  leo and amy! (:  amy and jun jie! (;  leo and jun jie! (:  jun jie, sarah and leo! (:  leo and melise! (:  me and leo with kelvin extra-ing again. =.=  me and jun jie! and kelvin once again. zzz  me and kelvin! the facis of RED TIGGERS! <33  the guys!  the girls!  tarzan is handsome! tarzan is strong! he's really cute and his hair is long! =D  we are cool! =D  RED TIGGERSS YUM SENGG! (:  CHEERS TO RED TIGGERS! (:  I REALLY DO LOVE RED TIGGERS! <33  =D  ME AND FENGKAI!(:  LEO!  sarah looks so cute!  we wil win the war! (: best performance for cultural night!(:  we are a team, ain't a group! (;  me, kelvin and feng kai! (:  happy birthday in advance, guo yang!  facilitators ((:  poor joanne! =x understand me?
what was supposedly a happy day was ruined. damn. i feel so clogged up with all the work that has to be done recently, for the passion synergy camp and scouts. hopefully the camp will be fun but i'm starting to get a little sian of it because of all the scouts stuff i have to complete before i go for camp or it'll be too late.sometimes, i wonder, why do i always pity others but i don't pity myself? why do i have to have such a big mouth and volunteer to help people do their job because they are supposedly busy while i am supposedly free? why do i always feel guilty because i think i have done little thus making me volunteer to do stuff that is not under my charge? it's not that i mind. it's just that it gets really tiring sometimes. and i just hope people will understand especially my family. i talk about it because i just hope to have a listening ear. my parents think i'm being made use of. fine, maybe it's true but i don't think so anyway. but why can't they ever understand it's just part of my nature. and just accept it for who i am. it's not a bad thing to help people right? and so i argued and once again a quarrel ensued and here i am crying like an idiot. it really gets so frustrating. when you tell people something, you hope they would understand. but do they really understand?  Part of 19/07! <33 sighs. i really do miss the wonderful time i had during the first three months. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Teachers' Day Celebrations 2007  yuan pin was bored since the teachers had no time for us  and so kc followed suit  and finally junrong. lol  yays! mr chiang & nanyang xiao xuan  mr chiang with me and esther! (:  ZHENG RUI! mrs wong's son  me and meiqi! ((:  dearest huixin! <33  yes, siew fang, i do love you! ((:  me and mrs tey! ((:  the 3 guiders! ((:  and we will keep the guiding light shining always! (:  teachers' day cake!  HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY! (:  i'm so gonna miss mrs ong!  it was meant to be dao. but me and sheena just couldn't control. =x  i love them! <33  once a guide, always a guide! (: went back to CTSS to visit the teachers. the performances wasn't that great but the first band did perform well! (: and the game was pretty funny especially with mrs gan seated beside me laughing. didn't really get to talk much to teachers. they were all too busy for us. boo! had a farewell party for mrs ong later in the guides room! mrs ong's last speech almost caused me to tear. i am so gonna miss her. sighs. took loads of pictures and did the guides cheer before we left! yays! it was really fun. so long since i've done the guides cheer. ahh. i miss the OLD guiding days so much. but i guess things will never be the same anymore. Previous Next |
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