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freedom
finally, the whole semester has come to an end with this exam paper. failure to recall during the exam but surprisingly, i wasn't really that affected anymore. kind of weird since i usually go hysterical. have i changed? or am i just numb to everything? too many things running through my mind that this doesn't seem to matter anymore? hmm. but alas, liberation! 7 weeks of holidays! yipee!  my favoutire display picture on msn. sometimes i just want to cry and let the tears flow. yet, i don't know the reason why. i really don't. i think i'm weird. i think i'm a little crazy. WHATS WRONG WITH ME!? damn. they don't fade
you know, i seriously thought i was past it all.but, apparently not. if what you wrote in your msn nick is true then, i just have to say, serve you right this is your deserts. cruel it may sound but you never know the pain you put me through the tears you caused the misery you put me in for months. maybe you'll know it now i made an attempt to be friends again but i was rebutted. i hate you? i could fall for another and i probably have but maybe this is left to haunt me. i was telling angeline. some things fade but they don't disappear entirely. how true, isn't it? someday, i'll throw the shoebox away. i'll get rid of it. and i'm so going crazy studying. avoidance coping? seems to apply me. motivate me motivate me motivate me please? i'm like so dead. please let me get through the exam. *screams* you know what? i don't really feel happy. ha. i'm hating it
i'm take everything too seriouslyAND i ask for too much. wtf. i hate myself. damn. tired
i'm tired. just don't feel like hitting the books. all i want to do is listen to some music and read a good book. honestly, i don't know whats wrong with me either. been having weird moods which is pretty irritating to me and to others too. and if i did ruin your mood, i'm sorry.my need for achievement is high. but what am i doing now? blogging instead of studying. the upcoming exam. am i stressed or over-relaxed? i think its the latter yet this nagging feeling in my heart just won't go away and it makes me feel guilty for what i have not accomplished for the exam. i'm gonna stay up tonight and let's hope i accomplish something or i'll be a wreck the day before the exam. there are things which i wish to say but i just can't. but do understand that it's not from a lack of trust but something much deeper. 爱不是占有；爱是让他自由 memories
coffee bean is a conducive environment to study! xD but i still didn't accomplish much. argh! thanks to my lack of confidence. i keep re-reading the parts i have completed because i thought i forgot. at least i think i should know the chapter on personality quite well le. (:had pastamania with huiling den we headed to study at a void deck. studied for awhile and we ended up in mrs gan's house. xD mentioned that mrs gan stay near the place we studying so we sms-ed her and she invited us up! ((: had a great time at her house reminiscing the past. like the first time when she stepped into class and she saw the pair of shoes hanging on the whiteboard! LOL. she actually said that we were corny because of what we wrote on the whiteboard. but i can't remember what we wrote on the whiteboard though, only remembered it had something to do with adam khoo. almost forgot about it but when she mentioned it, we really had a good laugh. talked about the dumb things that we did. ahhh. i miss my secondary school days so much. i miss the teachers too! mrs gan said we could come her house again! total yayness! ((: and her daughters are so cuteee and shy! but her daughter actually remembered me from the outing at botanic gardens! (: she also mentioned that the course suit my character? xD say that she can envison me as a social worker next time. well, hopefully so (: i'm a happy girl today! (: blahh. i shall learn from meiqi! mugging is fun! xD yay! maybe it will make mugging easier. boo! gonna go out to west mall's coffee bean to study later and huiling is gonna join me! (: having a companion to mug beats staying at home to mug where the laptop is a freaking distraction! *screams* lol. but having too many companions have an adverse effect too. hopefully today will be fruitful or i can really just die. since saturday got scouts and sunday have family gathering. ahhh. and i realised i am super over sensitive. =/ i guess it wasn't really referring to me. but i took it too personally and too hard? maybe then again maybe not. ahhh! i better stop thinking about such things. just do my job properly even if it's not supposed to be within my scope. anyway, do i really not have a life? boo. and cai hong, my dearest cousin, congrats on being a prefect, though i don't know who in the right mind will make you one. LOL. just kidding ((: love ya and see you on sunday! =D and i can't say; this friendship means too much to me. now, i feel so much like crying. is it me or the others? i'm trying my best. but maybe sometimes the best just ain't enough. damn. mug mug mug
BOOO! gonna have to mug mug mug later. ahhh. i've been so slack. 10 pages from monday and still 10 pages yesterday and hopefully not the same 10 pages today. o.O i need some motivation and i need to get rid of all distractions. I NEED TO STOP THINKING! *screams*realised i suddenly keep blogging. guess i really need an outlet. everybody is busy, not that i blame them. i don't want to bother people either. sighs. STOP THINKING JIAHUI! STOP THINKING! i've made that mistake once, i ain't gonna make it again. i can't fall for another. i can't. ahhhh! i'm feeling so frustrated. so #$%^& now. and i don't understand why either. ever since ... i became like this. what's wrong with me?! i don't like this me. i don't like the way my heart weighs. i don't like having the urge to cry yet the tears can't come. i don't like everything about this. damn. feel so shitty. damn. i want someone to hug so badly. ahh. i want melissa! i want her highness to infect me. i'm going mad with all these thoughts. why did i believe it? believing only means confirming the reality of it. no. i rather be in denial. damn. AJC charity concert on the 25th of Aug. should i go? sighs. and there is nobody to accompany me. at least those in AJC are performing. anybody wanna go with me? boo. secret
watched secret yesterday with dearest angeline! (: feel like rewatching since i didn't watch the ending properly and missed a little of the first part. and dearest mel should be the one accompanying me. she is going to watch for the third time. that crazy girl. =x ahh.me and angeline were discussing some things den she sae she rather believe in happy endings. me? i don't. i tend to look at the worse side of things. how many happy endings are there really? want me to believe in it? i can't, it's too hard for me to believe. i am probably no longer as naive as before. yes, i do look towards a happy ending just that i do believe in the reality of it anymore. it happens in books, movies, drama serials, but in real life? hardly. maybe it's because of my own personal experience and seeing so many others that led me to this. but who can blame me? after all, i dream too much after reading so many novels. and when i went through it, it's just so different. i'm too much of a dreamer. sighs. anyway, watching the show led me to think. we all have secrets don't we? things we do not want others to know for a variety of reasons. is it true that there should not be secrets between friends? i know many agree with this. but i think it really depends on the circumstances. what if you know that this secret once said may change the state of things forever? would you say it out? is it really worth it? maybe it's just me, but i don't think its worth it. i wouldn't want to change the state of things. true, change is the only thing that's constant in this world. but i just can't face up to change. but then again, keeping a secret can be so painful. it feels like your whole heart is weighing down with it like how i feel now. but i guess some things are better left unsaid. 我有一个不能说的秘密. sighs. anyway, pictures from sat. (:  ME AND WAIKIT! (:  WAI KIT & WEE YANG! (:  ME & WEE YANG! (:  US ON BUS 106! ((:  WAI KIT! [using my cam to zi lian. zzz]  ME AND WAIKIT! BUDDIES! ((:  EDDEE! ((:  YUMMY CAKES!  and they are so in lovee with bikini babes!  i'm just amazed =x  haha. this is dumb =x  EDDEE AND WEEYANG!  and the greentea ice kachang which ain't nice.  but apparently the guys love it =x  what are they doing?  so dumb!  meant to be scandalous =x but didn't turn out to be.  WEE YANG has gone MAD!  we WERE supposed to look TOOT!  i love them all! ((:  JUMP!  and he holds the building within his hand  seems so emo =x  cool pic of wee yang! (: been going out for the past week. wednesday with my dearest mel mel. thursday with yuan pin & gang. saturday with my dearest primary school friends. (eddee, wai kit & weeyang!) ((: haven't been feeling in the best of mood though. the worse being on saturday when i went out. had a horrible headache. couldn't enjoy myself and became pretty sian. so sorry everybody! argh. my headaches are back. i've been having them for like three times this week already. and the pain is pretty unbearable. just wish can swallow the panadols. but everybody tells me not to take. and honestly i've been thinking so much lately. way too much. and this has got me pretty down. sighs. anyway, shall let the pictures do the talking ((:  LIMIN! ((:  YUAN PIN! ((: [zi lian-ing with my cam]  HUI MIN! ((: [YUMMY!]  ESTHER! ((: [stop sulking! (:]  JUN RONG! ((:  TECKY! ((:  my very first picture with elaine! ((:  YUAN PIN & HUI LING! so sweet xD  me and yuan pin! (:  me and tecky! (:  me and zhuang wei!(: he's so cute! xD  me and kiat chong! (: look at his hair! =x  me and huiling! (:  me and esther! (:  me and huimin! (:  limin and huiling! (:  me and limin! (:  yuan pin, huiling and limin! (:  me and birthday boy, jun rong! (:  here's the cake! (: YUMMY!  and he's making a wish!  and he blows the candles off!  these people are love! <33  the guys! ((:  the girls! ((:  the patriotic singaporeans!  and they love me too much! xD spot my childhood picture in front of them! lol! shall post the rest up when i'm home! (: Previous Next |
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