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i'm so hating it
every single day, inside i'm screaming.yet on the outside, i and that nothing is going wrong. BUT, everything is going wrong everything is a freaking mess okay, maybe other than family and friends aspects i can't take all this damn things it's like so WHAT THE HELL. i need strength from within to go on because so many times i just feel like giving up i miss secondary school i miss those dear friends of mine i miss the comfort i found in my friends i miss everything and i am so not liking my life now i'm so frustrated just so close to tears stressed
sighsso many projects. everything either half done or undone. any moment i am going to be driven up the wall. and people are not helping matters too. never mind. maybe i'm just being a sulky little kid full of anger towards everything. angry with projects. angry with people. angry with everything in general. i'm so going to change groups. not working with them anymore. maybe i should not only learn stress managment. maybe i should learn anger managment too. ha. i think i can be pretty pathetic at times. sulking away, complaining. argh. whatever. this time, i am going to be more mature. just shut my mouth up and do the projects. don't complain any longer. i'm going to be strong. my dreams; i shall not let anything or anyody stand in my way. i'm going to make it. i'm going to get into NUS and take psychology or social work. i will do my best. because at least, i know i am not alone. i have my dearest friends with me, now and forever. and i thought i was totally over you but i realise when i see your face; the memories come flooding back, along with the pain. please, don't let me see your face again. my friends (:
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. - Victor Hugoand this entry is dedicated to all my friends and family. thanks for loving me for who i am and accepting me for who i really am. i'm ashamed because people accept me for who i am while i do not accept myself for who i am. i realised how much i miss my secondary school friends now. the people who i feel so comfortable with, who i can open myself up to, who teased me endlessly yet i could still smile through it all and who i had arugments or disagreements with yet made up with quickly. these people made a difference in my life and they still mean the world to me. i love them with all my heart. and now, i won't saying i am struggling in poly. at the very least, i love what i am studying and teachers are great. but between people, there is a missing connection. a connection that most probably would not be found? i don't know. people told me to give it more time and so i shall. i'll keep crossing my fingers and hoping. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA! (:
HAPPY
my dearest melissa, happy 17th birthday! though i am rather late in posting this on my blog, but you are never forgotten. i called you at 12 k? but still not the first. sobss. next year i'll call you at 11pm then i'll talk to you till 12, don't let you answer anybody's calls. LOL. then, i'll be the first. never mind. first, second or third, doesn't really matters. what matters is you get the message that i want to convey to you! (: you have been a friend like no other, through good times and bad times too. what more could i say? i am thoroughly BLESSED to know you. i probably wouldn't be where i am or who i am without you. because without you, i could never have pull through so many obstacles. even if you weren't able to offer me advice, you were able to offer me a listening ear and that really meant a lot to me. you always stayed optimistic, making me see the brighter side of things no matter how negative i become. you always light up a spark of hope in me. though, sometimes, it wasn't that good to give me hope as it was false hope actually. but i'm still grateful . because at that point of time, i needed hope so badly. it was this hope that allowed me to pull through my o levels despite the problems i was facing, the doubts i had over other issues. without this hope, i probably would have done even worse for my o levels. thanks for sticking by me, even though i think i was a bother to you during the o level period. calling you at times for things that were completely unrelated to studies. yet, you still listened. you never failed to listen. thank you. words could never express the gratitude that i feel towards you. next, i'm sorry for all the silly quarrels that we had. i'm sorry for all the times i lost my temper at you. and i am also sorry for all the times that i felt jealous when you were close to other people. i was jealous because i was afraid to lose you, my dearest friend. thank you for everything, melissa, my dearest friend and baby piggy! (: my friend, you mean the world to me and i hope you know that. (: I LOVE YOU! *HUGGIES* MUACKS! (: dedicated to my best friend always... DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! i'm close to tears. the past week.
I shall blog because my dearest melissa asked why i never blog le. (: heh.this week was really a hetic week. i just can't believe that my first week of holidays is just about to pass me by and i never even really had a time to stop and rest or really touch on any of my homework yet. guilty guilty=/. sighs. from bad events to good ones. i guess that's life after all. full of ups and yet downs too. is all these downs suppose to add flavour to life? because i just feel that it's just slowly sapping my energy away, nothing else more. but i guess, these downs make me appreciate the ups i have in life more? just probably. hmmm. monday was a pretty bad day. as guolian said, a sense of loss indeed. for me, it was a sense of loss with a tinge of sadness and definitely shock and incapability to believe in the reality of it. but i guess it allows me to appreciate life more and the people around me too. at night, had night hike with the ventures. it started to rain. boo! lucky, it stopped when we started the hike. it was a totally new experience. i can't believe that i actually hiked for 25km from Jurong East MRT station to Khatib MRT station. it was pretty fun and exciting in a way and it was a pretty nice time to bond with the other ventures. (: but my legs lost all feeling by the time we reached Khatib. lol. i couldn't even run, could only walk at a normal pace. guess it's due to the lack of exercise since i entered poly. =x we reached Khatib at 3 so had to wait till 5 plus for the first train. it was pretty horrible, since i was feeling sticky and i couldn't get to sleep while waiting for the train. in the end, we caught the first train and i managed to reach home at 6am, where after bathing i actually slept till 3pm. =x i am such a pig. oops. wednesday had campfire meeting, where only a pathetic few turned up for the meeting. but at least we managed to settle on a theme in the end. the theme originated from wei long and yuan kai and i found the theme pretty cool. hopefully, with this theme, ideas would be able to come more freely and we would be able to pull off a great campfire. (: headed to NP with mel later to get my garskin for my laptop. its wayyy nice now! <3 heh. headed back to my house where mel was going gaga over Campus Superstar though i simply can't understand why. =x and mel bullied me at my house AGAIN. =x ahhh, but i still love that little girl loads. <3 heeee. thursday, i met up with mrs gan and mrs wong, my dearest tuition teacher. (: mrs gan drove me and esther ng to the botatnic gardens to meet mrs wong. winston and warren were there and they were just as cute as ever! and warren rememebered us! =D yay! despite our age, me and esther went gaga over the swans and even fed the swans with the little kids too. =x a trip down memory lane. (: it was pretty nice seeing mrs wong again especially and she said my chessecake was nice even though i didn't feel so having used another recipe. but whats more important is that she liked it. (: went to esther soh house later to collect the video cam to do LMS later. but in the end, i got the camera but the project was cancelled. i was pretty pissed but oh well =/. yesterday, it was the first outing i ever had with my cousins! pei xi jie jie, cai xia, cai hong and me! we went to ktv! it was pretty cool and it was fun. was laughing like a crazy girl along with the rest. (: [ps. thanks jie jie, for treating us! (:] headed to vivo for dinner. we had dinner admist the beautifuls scenery. ahhh, what a wonderful day it was. (: now, back to the present. ever since the start of poly, i realised how much my secondary school friends really mean to me. (: when mel calls me to talk, i really feel over the moon. when angeline initiates a conversation with me on msn, i really feel over the moon again. and when weiwen gives me one of his rare calls, i feel over the moon too. when geraldine messages me, i really feel over the moon again. (: not just these four special people, but so many others too. just seeing them makes me feel happy. talking to them makes me feel happy. i really misss the good old times i had with them in secondary school. i guess i haven't really found anyone to totally open up to in poly other than zhiying i guess. probably it's only a matter of time. at least, i'm hopeful. (: ps. and i hope that whereever you are now, you are happy. happy birthday wei wen!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEI WEN DI! (:
this post is dedicated to you, mr lim wei wen. happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday to wei wen! happy birthday to you! =D see, i never forget you la. how can you even have such a thought creeping up your mind? guess i have to start talking to you more often or you might think i totally forget about you le. well, all the best for your o's. i, your jie, have absolute faith in you! go go go! DI, i love you man. though you aren't my real brother, you are as good as one! (: ps. be honoured. you're the first i've ever dedicated a post on my blog too. Previous Next |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MELISSA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! (: MUACKS!