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happiness
hello! went ice skating once again with yuan pin, tecky, kiat chong and yuan pin's two cousins. haha. i was the only girl there [or according to them the only man -.-] it was really fun, better than the last time since the rink was almost empty. yuan pin was asking me if i was ready to fall and the next thing i knew i slipped. totally dumb! and once i fell and i scratched my arm v badly on the ice, like ouch! =/ but it was real fun! (:met up with limin and huiling later and we lunched together. (: it really feels uber great meeting up with close friends once in a while, catching up with each other. i sure do hope this persists. because i know that they are friends i never ever want to lose. my darlings! <3 hopefully it'll be like me eddee and wai kit, friends from pri sch till now. headed back to CTSS later for speech day rehearsal, while limin headed for home. today the guides marching wasn't up to standard. boo! :( hope they'll buck up and bring glory to CTS 1st Coy on Speech Day. (: life is just so totally contradicting. at times i want to say i'm happy then i start to have doubts about it. am i really and truely happy? i would say in some aspects i'm happy but in others i'm totally not. would we ever experience total happiness now? i seriously doubt it. the only time when we are able to experience that, is when we are just little kids and everything around just seems so simple. the smallest thing can just bring a smile to those little faces. a rainbow, a butterfly, our parents. yet now at our age, can a rainbow, a butterfly really bring a smile to our faces? our parents? we love them, yet at our age, the rebelliousness strikes and we end up getting upset with them. as we grow older, things get complicated, or rather is us that gets too complicated. the simplest things no longer pleases us. we long for other things. we aren't contented with what we have and we'll never be. and what is the reason for this? i would say its partly due to human nature. but then again its also due to this everchanging world. everything is on a move towards perfection. with that, how could we be contented with what we have? self contentment, thats the thing humans should learn. i should learn too. sadly i've not learned self contentment. many people walk in and our life. some are just simply passerbys. they stop and leave their footprints and then leave. while others stay forever. somehow i feel that after graduating i'm losing touch with some people. is it just me? my over sensitiveness acting up again? or is it a fact? i pray its the first though. please let it be the first. but i must say i do feel really LOVED by my friends! they've all been so sweet to me. melissa and angeline mei. and also tecky. my msn nick was "i say i'm happy ; then i start to have doubts" and he told me no doubts, got him around. (: thank you! yuan pin send me a uber long message encouraging me. thank you dude! (: my friends, i love you and i hope you know that! (: HUGGIES! i love my friends! (:
hello! yesterday went to NP with tecky and jun rong to get my new laptop! (: and now here i am blogging for the first time using my new laptop. lol. well, got to share the price with my parents so gonna burn a hole in my pocket.went to JE library after that with tecky and wei wen di. i forgot loads of my sec school work. oh my. =/ tecky still can remember. lol. i am a failure. oh well. went to west mall later to catch mr bean with my dearest eddee and wai kit! (: the show was good, though i would say the first movie was much better. some parts were so lame to the extent that one can't laugh, but other parts were so hilarious, that one can't stop laughing. wanted to grab a drink after the movie but it started to rain. super spoiler! so we ran for my house. lent them both umbrellas and they left. then, they came up again because wai kit's umbrella was spoilt. lol. they left once again. then, they came up one more time, saying wai kit didn't have bus fare. it was then did i realise my wallet was with eddee. X) they came up to reurn me. oops. so sorry guys! i'm guilty =x heh. but it was a great time spend with them. (: went home and was webcamming with tecky. lol. it was fun especially with my shirt which was swaying behind me.X) wheee! a totally great day! (: 能伤害我的都是我爱的人。 only those who i love are able to hurt me. and you aren't able to hurt me anymore. never will you ever be able to hurt me. this time i've locked you out of my heart for sure. i take my words back. i don't want your friendship. you aren't worth it. but i was right all along. you wanted someone else. the first step
22/03/07met angeline MEI after work at IMM! (: was at Giant wanting to buy a small box of chocs. but ice cream caught our attention, and i threw the chocs in my bag and walked out of Giant. i totally freaked out when i found the chocs in my bag. headed back to Giant to pay! =/ i can't believe i could be so dumb. headed to secret recipie for dinner. delicious and super filling dinner but burned a little hole in my pocket. lol. nvm. mei! we'll be back on 22/03/08 right? (: our little promise. (: --------------------------------------------------------------------- yesterday headed back to CTSS to watch the speech day rehearsal. i'm proud to say the guides marched comparatively well! (: yaynesss! but was supposed to meet up with a huge bunch for dinner and all. but rehearsal ended too late so couldn't go for it. :( but had dinner with guolian and mrs tey. mrs tey's treat. cool. i have taken the first step out of the barriers that i have built around myself forcing myself to stay within the dark enclosed room. it's a small step, yet i feel so proud of myself. for once, when i saw you, i didn't shed a tear. i didn't even feel like crying. all i felt was just a tinge of sadness and i felt something tugging at my heart. partly, mr chiang's words woke me up. yes, it's time to concentrate on my studies and not think about such stuff anymore. even though i haven't totally gotten over it, but i'm slowly getting to it. the next time when i see you, i shall smile and say hi. (: you'll always have a place in my heart seriously, i can't understand what's happening to me. i'm getting super emo recently. the slightest thing can turn my tears on. from reading a book to watching the television. anything just turns my tears on. maybe this were the tears that were left kept up inside because i refused to cry my heart out the other time when i felt so broken and lost. in a way, i feel like a total failure. after all this time, sadly i'm still feeling sore over my results. it's haunting me. the way my results turned out, was my fault in a way. i got too involved and when problems start to flow. i neared to a point of a breakdown. worse, it was during my O levels period. but can people understand the fact that i'm still bothered by my results? they don't. maybe they've tried but still don't understand. but who can blame them. it isn't their fault. but somehow, could people stop rubbing it in? i'm trying my best to get over it. i'm trying my best to make things work. but some people aren't making my life easier. oh well, maybe i'm just freaking wallowing in self pity. yuan pin asked me why do i always read motivational books? the question struck me hard. i don't know why. do i need that much motivation? maybe its because i'm just a normal human being and humans do need motivation and encouragment. but since i hardly get them in reality, i try to find them through books? i know my parents love me, but they're just not good with words of encouragment, especially my dad. this is the only reason i can come up with. oh well, it doesn't matter what the reason is. does it? at the end of the day, as long as i can get by each day without giving up. that's most important isn't it? what is defined by happiness? i don't exactly know what it means. but at times i feel both happy and unhappy at the same time. it sounds so ironic. but i would give up everything just to be able to talk to you the same way again. what i've lost isn't just a relationship but a precious friendship. granted that i could turn back time, i would make sure i never walk down the path that i had taken. maybe then, things would have been different, very different. let's be friends again okay? MISS HENG JEE MIN, this is the update that you wanted. (: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 03/03/07 went for a ventures overnight cycling trip recce! (: lol. the route was 100km long, totally a new experience. initally, it was really fun though it was kinda scary since we were riding on the road and some cars drive so closely to us. =/ lol. started off from east coast park at about 9.15 pm. i actually fell down because my bike got stuck in a crack! argh! kind of flew off my bike. ouch. by 6am, at ang mo kio, i was totally washed out and felt really sick. so had no choice but to cab back to east coast park with mel accompanying me. (thanks!) sad, i couldn't complete the whole cycling trip. just left one last part of the journey of travelling to bishan then heading back down to east coast part. boohoo! :( oh well, at least it was a great experience, something i've never tried before. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- past few days been working and working. it's always work home; work home. life really is a bore. but at least it's great to be working for esther's mum. yups. tomorrow ice skating trip with my dearest limin huimin huiling esther yuan pin tecky and kiat chong! woohoo! gonna be so fun! (: yay! i just can't wait! and thursday is sentosa with the same people again! (: woohoo! friday and saturday shall be having scouts camp. guess my hols are really packed. after that it's back to work again.lol. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- some things you wish you don't know yet you want to know. so contradicting right? life is just full of contradictions. knowing it, i really wished i didn't know about it. yet not knowing it, i would have like to know it. why should things turn out to be this way. am i not better? i can't stop letting this bother me. i'm letting go. i'm trying really hard to. but maybe it's because part of me is holding on so tightly that's why i can't seem to let go. but some things are not within my will power. never is and never will. forever? i don't believe in that. i can't believe in that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- sometimes when she need someone to turn to she realise there's nobody she can turn to. that somehow as life moves off, she has become unimportant to people who had played an important role in her live. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- angeline: thanks mei! you made me felt so loved then! (: GET OUT OF MY LIFE COME BACK TO ME. fcuk. what do i really want? Previous Next |
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