yups. mel actually wanted to buy me the wallet that i wanted for my birthday. though it's long over le X) haha. got a really nice billabong one. brown, grey and pink. lol. i love it! (: MEL: THANKS A MILLION! (: i LOVE your present. MUACKS! (: <3>
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Love is what's left when being in love has gone. it's when you care about someone and you hope they're happy, but you're not under any illusions about them, maybe that kind of love is not exciting, passionate and all those things that fade with time. all those things that you're so keen on. but in the end, it's the only kind of love that really matters.
-Tony Parson [Man and Boy]

to some, this may not be true. but to others, this is true. for me? i feel that in a way it is true. after all, love is not about possession, it's more about wanting the person you love to be happy? be it, one's boyfriend/girlfriend, friends or family? yes, i'm learning not to be under any illusions about people i love. because having illusions would only bring about pain at the end of the day, most of the time. like i had underwent through once. and i'm not about to bring myself through all those pain again.

-----------------------------------------

If you hold back on emotions- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. you're afraid of the pain. you're afraid of the grief. you're afraid of the vunerability that loving entails.
- Mitch Albom [ Tuesdays with Morrie]

i held back too much on my emotions and right now it's too late for regrets. i was too busy being afraid of the pain that i refused to express my emotions. i pretended, but at the end of the day, maybe because of too much pretence, everything went haywire. but i still haven't learnt my lesson. i'm still holding back on my emotions. because i'm afraid of pain. yes, sad to say i'm afraid of the vunerability that loving entails. because when you love the person, be it boyfriend/girlfriend or friends or family and you lose them, the pain would be way too much to bear then. teach me how to go all the way through my emotions

and now love is what's left.
i care about you
but i'm not under any illusions about you.
uoygnivolyltnelis
oh well. todae was the first day of school. met up with huimin, zirui and yiming. was damn tired. =/ slept at like one plus and had to wake up at 5.15! oh man. i need sleep! i so so so need sleep! lol. all of us are from the same ancient, jaguaria and me and zirui were both in the same descendant, uncia! (: lucky i have zirui! haha. our OGLs are toylyn, veronica and jia zheng! (: huimin and yiming also both in the same descendant, onca!


had subject talks. it was utterly boring. i was nodding off and poor zirui had to keep waking me up. X) lol. told him to pinch me hard if i fell asleep. lol. but he still pinch so soft =x. yups. den had ice breakers and all. lol. zirui can't remember the names. lol. den had mass dance and games. well. there were loads of cheering and all. guess i can say it was fun to some extent. but still can't make up my mind whether to stay in anderson when the results are out. me and huimin might want to go acjc. hmm. i'll still go njc if i can. my dream school X) heh.


well. tomorrow gonna be a long long day, what's with 2 hour and 45 mins subject talk? omg. someone save me please! X) lol. at least there's one thing to look forward to tomorrow. tomorrow can meet up with my dearest mel and tecky! (: wheee!(:


-------------------------
Jay Chou - 退后


天空灰得像哭过
离开你以后
並沒有更自由


酸酸的空氣
嗅出我们的距离
一幕锥心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息


抽屉泛黄的日记
榨乾了回憶
那笑容是夏季
你我的过去
被順時針的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
粗心的眼泪是多余


我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺
却被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里待續


------------------------------------


this song just makes me so emo. =/ oh well. and till now, i still can't understand the reason why things turned out the way it did. and i guess i'll never ever know why, would i? all i want is to forget. but its harder than i imagined. please, let me be able to let everything go.
wow. time really flies. the hols are over. tomorrow will be the start of school once again. only this time i'll be stepping into a really unfamiliar environment surrounded with unfamiliar people. to tell the truth, the thought of stepping into a new environment excites me yet scares me. but the scared feeling is so much stronger than the excited feeling. suddenly all i want is to be back in 4d1, sitting among those people that i grew to love so dearly. sighs. a new environment without people like mel, esther, limin? i just don't want to think. =/ the though of it makes me feel so lost. i'll feel so lost without them. lucky i still have huimin with me. gee.

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27/12/2006 - CHRISTMAS CLASS GATHERING


had the christmas class gathering at my house. it was really fun! (: yups. mr eugene tan and mrs gan both came for the gathering. too bad mr chiang and mr lau couldn't make it. ): had bbq but it started to rain. what a spoiler man! ): boo! learnt how to play mahjong again X) heh. then had the christmas gift exchange. guolian got my present and i got michael's present. lol. some stayed over. yups. i only slept at like 6 plus in the morn? lol. was playing mahjong and cards. haha. then the rest eventually left at about 4pm. lol. after they left had to clean the house up X) oh well. a price to pay for fun. haha. and my cheesecake was a success!=) yuan pin, limin etc. all said it was nice! yay! (: heh! i love baking cakes! X) lol. they all love daddy's cooking too! wahaha! (: all the memories created these two days. i'll never forget. the last gathering 4d1'o6 has before everybody goes to different jcs. sighs.

-------------------------------------------------------------
31/12/2006 - COUNTDOWN


in the afternoon met up with tecky, yuan pin, huiling, limin, michael and zhuang wei! we went to west coast park to fly kites! (: wheeee! it was really really fun! i fly the kite till the string all used up and the kite flew away. =x oops. haha. but it was fun. like a return to being the child i've not been for so long. so carefree, without any troubles in the world. (: i just love that feeling. after that went to eat botak jones. den headed off for limin's house. played jenga. did so many stupid dares =/. dang. den we countdown le watch a tale of two sisters. the movie was like damn confusing. i was like "huh?" throughout the whole show. lol. den the second movie we watched, i keep nodding off. was super tired. =/ eventually went to sleep at 7. den woke up le, ate lunch went home. serene [ my bro's girlfriend] was here! (: heh. played scrabble with her, my bro and my mum. lol. been a long time since i last played. sure was fun! (:

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02/01/2007 - OUTING


today went out with teck sing, yuan pin, michael, kiat chong, yiming, limin and hui ling! (: one last outing before school starts tomorrow. took neos! (: the neos were really nice! totally rawks can? (: haha! yups. gonna scan it in. (: had dinner le. then went home le. was stoning most of the time. not out of boredom. but just can't control my thoughts all of a sudden. everything start flashing in my mind. gee.

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all the things you said we would do, we never will.
all the promises that you made were all left to be broken.
all hopes for the future i once had are all gone now.


and i never knew how hard it is to let go.
because i can't let go. . .
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