;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

farewell party

hmm. farewell party is also over already. guess my secondary school life has really come to an end. =( boo! how i wish all these wouldn't end, and time would remain still at this year. although it was a rather stressful year, with the endless tests and examinations, but i think it's the best year out of my seconday school life! <3>HUGE SURPRISE. sheena, sini and nicolle actually bought shen qing mi ma vcd for me! X) OMG! thanks alot! (: love you all! X)

headed off for silso beach! i love the beach! the sea! everything! X) heh! spend practically the whole party with the same peeps and miss lee and her sister. took loads of pictures together! (: we took both the sky ride and the luge ride. totally fun man! X) but it kept raining on and off. so sad! ): awww. yups.

then at the end of it, went vivocity to grab a bite before heading for bugis. we took neos together! it was one of the nicest neoprints i've ever taken in all my life! <3 ouch ="/" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/1459/392/1600/62608/DSCN3564.jpg">

me and huimin on the bus to sentosa! (:

me and sheena! the wind is strong!X)

sheena and mel! mel is finally taller! so cute! X)

sheena mel and me! (: awww. we love mel so much! X)

sheena and huimin!(: smile for the cam!

me piggy-backing huimin again! (:

sheena piggy-backing me!=x omg she dropped me in the end! ):

twis!~ i just love this pic! X)

me and miss lee's sister, janine.

me and esther! (:

done by huimin! indeed, i just love her so! X)

me mel and huimin! we all just love mel so much! X)

wen shi and me! with one dumb extra jumping in the background. X)

me and huixin! i just love her so much! (:

we are going for the skyride and luge ride! (:

the scenery from above is just so beautiful! (:

yay! group GUIDES won in the end! <3 cooked="x]" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/1459/392/1600/860894/DSCN3695.jpg">

souvenior time! (:

me and melissa talking to the company together for the last time. ):

i <3 href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/1459/392/1600/837223/DSCN3727.jpg">

me and melissa! my bestie always!

could i change my past, please?
memories haunts me.
i want to forget.
i need to.
before i hurt people around me.

it's different. and i know it.

indeed, the choices i have made, some were wrong. but isn't that part of life? it's this wrong choices that actually mould me into who i am. mistakes can break a person but it can also make a person. and i believe that i have grown stronger through all the wrong choices i have made especially the most recent one. yes, it's painful bearing the consequences of this wrong choices. but after a wrong choice, it doesn't mean that one stop trying isn't it?

why do you always have to point out how wrong i was? i know it myself, i went through the pain myself. you weren't there to support me throughout that painful period. so why should you say that i told you not to but you still go ahead so now you have to go through all this pain. why do you have to say it in the way that it serves me right to make that choice. yes, wrong i was. pain, i suffered. but painful as it was, i've learnt many things. and i dare say that i have grown and matured in certian ways.

but do you understand? you never do and i believe you never will.

the messages have been deleted.
like the messages, i wish i could just click delete
and erase you from my life completely

yesterday and today was at limin's house helping her paint her room. (: PINK and ~~green~~. lol. kind of a weird combination though. X) but at last her room is complete! (:

to tell the truth, i feel that i'm a happier person now. no worries any more. no longer thinking unnecessarily like i used to do in the past.then, i start to realise one thing. and that is that most of the pain that i went through was brought by ~~you~~. indeed, there was happiness too but it was overwhelmed with the pain i felt.

too different. that's what it was. difference in character and thinking. personality clash. it's a miracle that it was able to go on for so long.

~~still, i'm still unable to delete those messages~~

through it all
i can't bring myself to hate you.
ooteromynauoyevolnuditub
----------------------------------------------
CASCADA - ANOTHER YOU

So many times i was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drown in in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gonna found it hard to breathe
Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see
A thousand rising dreams are rollin of my eyes
But time was hillin me and I say goodbye

Cause i can breathe again dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now i feel free again so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I find another you

Could you imagine someone elses by my side
I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself to falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not to wait to done to bring another day
Your not the only one so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you that just fade away

Cause i can breathe again dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now i feel free again so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I find another you

Sometimes i see you when i close my eyes
You're still apart of my life

But i can breathe again dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now i feel free again so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I find another you
I find another you

--------------------------------------------

a nice song recommended by sheena! (: enjoy! (:

a new light.

and right now, i am starting to step out of the ~~darkness~~ to a place where light prevails.

everyday since the start of december, i've been crying my eyes out like an idiot. day after day, i wash my face with tears. yet, today, for the first time after ten days, i did not shed a tear. (: i guess it's really a big improvment. yups.

i realised what a spoiler i must have been looking so sian during the class chalet and even crying. =/ my friends, i'm really sorrie. ): but you all don't have to worry for me any longer, because i'm really fine now. for those who asked, thanks! (: it's nice to know that there are people who care! (:

i'm starting to see how foolish i have been. crying and crying. letting things keep hanging at the same spot, not making any move to make anything go forward at all. it was due to fear i guess, but i realised it only prolonged my suffering. though i've moved on, yet there's this little part of me who is still foolish. that little part of me is still wishing for something. something that's impossible. only 0.0001% chance? yet, i don't know why i'm still holding onto this little hope. and i hope that this little hope would soon fade for it wouldn't do me any good.

but through it all, i really have my friends to thank for helping me stand up once again. indeed, i feel reborn! (: a brand new start. a new beginning! (:

some pictures to go along for the first time. the people i love so dearly !<3>

me and geraldine! (: ` my dearest friend always! (:

angeline and me! (: ` my precious sister!

me and melissa! ` i love her soo! (:

me and wei wen! (: ` he totally rawks my life! (:

me and teck sing! ` my dearest bro too! (:

michael and me! (: ` he's my listener! (:

me and huimin ` my dearest lao gong! (:

me and limin! ` through good times and bad! (:

me and esther! ` she simply rocks! (:

me and sheena! (: ` my punching bag! (: <3

and i LOVE all of them! (: thank you so much for everything! (:

the end.

~~end of story.~~

i can't feel happy.

1 year 10 days.

behind that brave front, it actually hurts so badly.

i'm truely confused.

i'm truely lost.

it's for the best, isn't it?

when there was me and you

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL - WHEN THERE WAS ME AND YOU

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
_______________________

my song of the moment! hmm. guess one of the reasons is that i can totally relate to it? and all i know now is that i was such a fool. i refused to listen to people around me, and in the end what happened? only i got hurt. foolishness.

excuses. that's all they were. and i'm sick of always finding excuses for you or others trying to find excuses to make up for everything you did. dumb, i was. i was blinded. totally.

and those promises you made. they were never meant to be kept. all are left are just broken and empty promises. and i hate them so. and i ask myself why make promises that one can't keep, it will only hurt the other party even more. and i start to realise that everything you said were just lies. they were never meant to come true. everything was just build on lies. only i was foolish to believe that they were true.

and i no longer believe that fairytales happen in real life. it was all just a foolish thinking on my part. a fantasy that would never happen in real life. and forever? i can't believe in that word any longer. because forever seems unreachable, kind of impossible?

and i've lost my ability to believe. because all along, the believing i did was just self-denial. and i don't want to hurt myself again. teach me how to believe once again, anybody, please. because it's horrible to be unable to believe in anything.

and a life without you
i sure can imagine.
and i'll become stronger.
because what doesn't kill
only makes one stronger.

those memories (:

now, graduation is over, prom is over, even class chalet is over. aww. sad man! ): but class chalet sure was fun! (: wheeee!

i totally enjoyed myself! (: night cycling was super fun man! i wouldn't mind going night cycling again. =x gee. but i didn't get to see the sun rise. ): both days went to see, but couldn't since it's inland. boo! i want to watch the sunrise again! it's been years since i've last since the sun rise. so beautiful. aww. i want to see it so much.

lol. den learnt how to play speed. dang. i lost to mr tan all three games even though he just learnt how to play. i'm damn slow. =x

sighs. i'm sure gonna miss all of them so much especially those people who stayed at the chalet. life without them would be boring. boo! ):

will the day come when we would forget one another and move on with our lives? i sure hope not.

yoy used to say
that i held your hands tightly
because i was afraid to lose you.
but in the end i still did,
no matter how tight i held it.

i realised one thing. i realised that i kept running from reality, hiding, trying to protect myself from all the pain in the world. but i realised not only did it not reduce the pain i'm feeling, it increased my pain.

because by running, i only made things keep dragging on. now, when i decided to face up to my heart, others are running away now. i can't take all these anymore.

i surrender. i really surrender. i don't know what's my next move supposed to be.

the end seems to be near.

and what you said
were just lies

take the pain away, please.

i'm suffocating to death

why?
don't you love me anymore?
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jiahui
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15nov1990
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