;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

and my heart is bleeding.

i don't know what to do anymore. i'm really lost. and nobody can guide me out of this mess i've gotten myself into. why? i keep asking myself that but i can't find the answer to the question. i lack the courage to voice out everything that's within me. everything that i've held on for so long. have i done something wrong? it's no longer a matter of me holding onto my pride. because this time round, i've put my pride down to the extent that i feel i'm left with no more pride. i believe the fault doesn't lies with me, does it?

and all i know now is that my heart hurts so badly. it's bleeding and one day all the blood will run dry. the urge to cry is so bad yet i stubbornly refuse to let them flow. why? am i foolish the way i am? should i break free from all this? maybe. just maybe i should. yet, i'm afraid i would come to regret. why? i really don't know what to do. i'm just a girl. no matter how strong i seem, i'm vunerable.

please, tell me what i should do. tell me how to believe. because i can't bring myself to believe anymore. because believing seems to be self-deception now.

it's getting harder and harder to breathe. and my heart is slowly bleeding.

that special day
yet you won't there.
my heart is breaking.
unbreak it won't you?

free? not exactly

well, o levels are over finally! (: or rather they have been for awhile. no more books for the time being, wheeee! (: it's really great to be free, though not totally, but at least i rid myself of some burden. yups yups.

tomorrow is the graduation ceremony and prom. guess it's gonna be a sad day. :( four years in secondary school has come to an end. the stint in secondary school seems so short yet i dare say i've grown in many ways through this four years. i have matured in many ways. though i might still be considered childish to others, i believe i've grown and changed in many ways.

changes do happen, don't they? through this four years in clementi town many things happened. my four years passed with tears, happiness, anger, jealousy etc. friends come and go, but i'm glad that one has sticked by me through this four years, my dearest angeline! (: [thanks! i'll never forget the words you said " true friend? i've never believed in it till i met you"]

i'm glad also to meet many other people through this past four years, people who are willing to listen and be there for me, especially my dearest melissa! (: not forgetting esther soh and sheena too! i <3 you all! (:

tell me that you love me
tell me that you care
tell me that you need me
maybe it was never meant to be.

i don't know what i'm doing with my life. maybe i just like wallowing in misery? ha. i'm pathetic. why don't someone just kill me.

sometimes i just can't be happy

o levels are here. yeah. i probably should be studying now instead of blogging. but i just gotta vent out my frustrations.

the papers are okay. it's not that i don't know how to do. it's just that i'm so damn careless. i could just kill myself with all the careless mistakes that i've made. but what can i do now? i can only work harder for the rest of the papers and pray that the earlier papers will turn out fine even though i made such stupid mistakes. argh.

life hasn't been good. not just because of the o levels but because of many other factors. i could just suffocate under the pressure of everything. everything seems to be falling apart in front of me and yet there is nothing i can do to salvage it. as i see things falling apart, my heart feels like it's being torn into shreds. it's really painful. and sometimes i really can't breathe.

the idea of my birthday doesn't excite me like before sighs.

~~behind that smiling and innocent front, there lies a weakling whose soul has been broken~~

all i want is to spend that special day with you.

and i'm a girl.
i need more attention. :(
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★ Welcome!

jiahui
23
15nov1990
~~PEPS~~
~~CTSS~~ [♥4d1'06]
NP [♥Psychology & Community Services]
~~NUS~~ [Social Work]
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chewjh@hotmail.com