;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

fcuk it. i just wanna be free. kill me.

people? i just don't understand.

life is complicated. people are complicated too. don't you think so too?

sometimes i just feel so tired. when people need help, they come and look for me. after which, they just dump me to one side. am i just so that worthless to people? i can't help saying this. because i feel hurt, so hurt. i help people at the expense of myself but this is what happens to me? no, don't get me wrong, i don't mean that i help people just to get something back in return. i just feel it's cruel to be dumped aside once your "usefulness" is over. it's really cruel.

i look at the people in front of me. i look at them all. then, i ask myself one thing, who are the one that really cares? and guess what, somehow i can't answer the question myself.

~~i'm pathetic.~~

i don't wanna move on

Richard Marx & Donna Lewis - At the Beginning
We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

[Chorus:]
And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

[Chorus:]

[Bridge:]
Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

[Chorus:]

In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you...
__________________________________________________________

my four years in secondary school is coming to an end. it's sad just to think that i would no longer be sitting in 4d1 listening to mr chiang talk to us. that i would no longer be with my friends. that i would not gather at the quadrangle before school starts. everything is coming to an end. and i am not ready to let go. yups.

someone once told me, that we like the state that we are in so much that at times we find it hard to adapt to change. it's true isn't it? because right now, i don't want to move on. i just want to stay put and hope that time stops and i will remain here forever.

worse, the school is going to be demolish. when the buildings are demolished, our memories goes down with them. when we step into the new school building, we can no longer find traces of what we have left there. not even our footprints. everything is going to be so foreign. like a new school that i've never stepped into before. sighs.

the thought of starting anew in a new school, around new people scares me. as the days draws nearer, i feel a pang of emptiness. because i know i'm going to miss my friends. i'm going to miss them all. miss them all so much. =(

i'm going to miss all the wise words mr chiang always tell us, i'm gonna miss mr lau's long-windeness. i'm going to miss everything. everyone.

next time, all that will be left are just memories...

hold me tight
won't you?

ouch.

ever dropped a phone without the pouch four storeys down?
well, i did so, today. and oh man, i completely freaked out.

but guess what?
it only suffered a scratch which is hardly visible.

am i lucky?
or is it that i have too much good karma? =xx

haha. that's lame. but the dumb yuan pin still don't believe my phone drop down.=/

well, i'll never put my wallet and handphone in the pocket at the same time ever again.

gosh. an unforgettable experience.

i love you
i love you
i love you
i want to be in your arms.

jealousy

i can't help feeling jealous can i?

i'm only human.

somehow, sometimes i just wished that i could shut my eyes, shut my ears to everyone.

maybe then the deep sense of envy won't run through me and i wouldn't feel so sad.

and those days are long gone

i realised something today.
i realised that the playground near my house is a good place to ~~cry~~.

it's been so long.
it's been so long that i've held those tears back.

and for once,
just for once, the tears finally flowed fast and free.

~~i'm a weakling who can't face up to my own emotions~~

07/10/06
the piano. sundial dreams. yu jian. free loop.
i'll remember them all.
thank you.
i <3u

because i can't feel happy

well, long time never post a real entry le. this blog is kind of abandoned?=/ bet nobody else reads it le. gee.

hmm, l1r5 got 11. should be happy, shouldn't i? well, i was happy initally. but come to think about it, the marks were kinda heavily moderated? so i didn't exactly earn it, right? yups. so i resolve to work even harder from now on and make use of all the time that i've left now! yups. o level, i shall earn my grades myself! (: l1r5 less than 12!! (: [must beat my bro=xx oopss]

yups. has life been good? well, not exactly. some things aren't just going right. and i don't know why. but i just feel so negative about everything, anything, even some of my friends. it makes me feel like a monster, feeling negative about my own friends. well, maybe i am. i'm starting to hate the person that i see in the mirror. it's turning to someone i don't even understand. it feels like i'm looking at stranger. sighs.

and now i'm numb to the pain i'm feeling. really numb. why did things turn out the way it turned out? sighs.

a note to some idiot: it's NOT an insult to you! it's the BIGGEST INSULT TO ME! fcuk! if you left me alone in the first place, nothing would have happened. you don't know me, so shut your freaking mouth up!

and we are just perfect strangers.
i don't understand anymore.
and i long to be in your arms once again.
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★ Welcome!

jiahui
23
15nov1990
~~PEPS~~
~~CTSS~~ [♥4d1'06]
NP [♥Psychology & Community Services]
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