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motivate me?
slap me. pour water over me. throw a book at me. scream at me. anything. just do anything to wake me up.me? ha. i'm totally unmotivated to study. totally. i've slacked my whole day away. i feel bad, horrible, guilty and freaking scared since the prelims are nearing, yet i dun have the motivation to hit the books? wat the hell is wrong with me? i asked guolian why is it so, she told me its becos of the horrible turn out of the term 3 exams that i'm too disappointed. den i wondered, disappointment should have made me push on even harder, but why didn't disappointment do that? then, guolian told me disappointment can be an motivator but also a discourager, its just that i chose the latter. its true. i have to work hard. i have to. i know this. but i don't know the reason for to work hard. no, i don't. i really don't. i don't see the point. i really don't. why must i work hard? someone, tell me please. and i guess, all i can do now is to just bury myself with books. till i realise the reason for studying, my purpose of studying, i can only study blindly like how i did for the term 3. at least it wouldn't be that bad. i swear i will study like crazy starting from next week. i'll keep to my words. maybe its the wrong way to study, to study blindly. but at least it will take me further in life till i realise the reason. and i know one thing is for sure that i'm in love with you. pained. i'm sorrie. i'm really very sorrie. i'm so sorrie. if only the word "sorrie" can erase what i have done, maybe the guilt, sadness and anger could all be washed away. but it can't. and right now, my heart is in a mess. it's hurting me. i'm close to tears. and i'm really sorrie. if that means anything after all? and once again, i'm trying to hide away from reality. by burying myself with my books to numb the pain i feel deep inside. i hate it. and i hate myself for it. i know i could never forgive myself yet i still did it. shredded heart
i was torn between two people i love.my heart is in shreds now. all i can say is i'm sorrie. i'm at a loss of what to do. tell me you love me tell me that you care. oh my, today is a special day. a very special day. at least it is, to me! (: i didn't choose to love you it was my heart who lead me along. but if i were given a choice, i would have fallen for you all over again. (: i'm so argh. someone wake me up please. #8 no. 240 sometimes i can' help but doubt. but for now, i shall live in faith (: my 200th post! (:
Jacky Cheung and Regine - In Love With You(Jacky) Just a gentle whisper, tell me that you'd gone Leaving only memories, where did we go wrong? I couldn't find the words then, so let me say them now I'm still in love with you (Regine) Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care Tell me that you need me, and I'll be there I'll be there waiting... (Regine/Jacky) I will always love you, I will always stay true There's no one who loves you like I do Come to me now I will never leave you, I will always here with you Through the good and bad I will stand true I'm in love with you (Jacky) Now we've here together, yesterday has past Life is just beginning, close to you at last And I promise to you, I will always be there I give my all to you (Regine) Living life without you is more that I can bear Hold me close forever,I'll be there... (Jacky) I'll be there for you (Regine/Jacky) I will always love you, I will always stay true There's no one who loves you like I do This I promise...I will never leave you, I will stand here with you Though the good and bad I will stand true Hold me closer...Our love is forever, holding us together Nothing in this world can stop us now (Jacky) Love has found (Regine) Love has found a way ... (Regine/Jacky) I'm in love, I'm in love Yes I'm in love, so in love I'm so in love with you.... --------------------------------------------------------- a song i'm totally in love with now. X). haha. wow. this is my 200th post. i can't believe that i actually had this blog for such a long time le. as the time passes, it became my friend, my companion and also my soulmate! (: yups. well. today the tsunami hit like mr chiang sae. i didn't fail any subjects at least not yet. but i don't feel good. especially after seeing my chemistry results. i felt torn apart. totally. i felt like i've lost everything i've believed in. i studied the hardest for chem. i believed i could at least get a B3 for it. but just seeing my section B, all my hopes are gone. i just passed. how nice. =/ . sighs. i really wonder. why do teachers always lie to make students feel better. mr lau told me, " jiahui, good improvement". indeed, he meant to cheer me up, but it didn't because the reality is related through my results. it was a white lie but a lie that could be seen through easily. i felt i disappointed myself and mr lau. he told me i could get an A1 since i worked so hard at my TYS but i didn't. no, i didn't. i'm starting to feel vunerable. i just looked at my paper and start to cry. tears seem to come really easily now. sighs. i've realised that hope is something that fades with the passage of time. one day, hope will all be gone and we would find ourselves at the start again, dreams dashed and hopes gone. but must it always be that way? right now, that little hope of mine is still shining and hopefully it would still bring me to the O levels. i'm not going to throw in the towel yet. definitely not now. after all, i have put in too much work to give up now. and one day, i WILL PROVE MYSELF! and i've realised. what a fool i am. waiting for someone who never appears. don't you know i miss you so? my tear glands are becoming really active. my vision is blurred. love is please, my heart hurts. my existence?
"jiahui, what happen to you? you did very badly for your maths, you know? you failed your a maths paper 1. you only got 30 plus. how are you going to answer to mrs wong? "thats what mrs gan told me. "your chances of passing physics is thats what mr chiang told me. jiahui, you've disappointed yourself and now the words just keep ringing in my head. maybe, i really didn't do enough. me? i don't understand why i'm really studying so hard for at times. i don't, really. maybe after i say this, people will say that i'm studying for myself, to get into a good junior college den university and get a good job next time. but, whats the point? we spend part of our life studying away. burying ourselves with books. and when we finally step into the working society, we just keep working till we get too old for it. and at that age, we think we could actually really enjoy life. but is that the case? no it isn't. by then we would be too old already, too old to enjoy and appreciate life. so, really, what is the meaning of life? what is the reason for us to live? because i can't find the reason for me to live. i've having a useless existence now. i've spent 15 years in this world not knowing the reason for my existence. i don't. why? tell me the reason for my existence? tell me. I will always love you, I will always stay true There's no one who loves you like I do Come to me now I will never leave you, I will always here with you Through the good and bad I will stand true I'm in love with you SCREW THE EXAMS! SCREW THEM UP DOWN LEFT RIGHT! SO SICK OF STUDYING! ARGH! but, I WILL PERSEVERE ALL THE WAY! haha. hmm. was feeling down earlier due to my screwed up a maths paper 1. *sighs* got to work harder. here's something mel shared with me: Dr. Alan Zimmerman's comments: Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's able. Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems. In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them. For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions. As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do. Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it. Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had been destroyed. Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go, my friend! Do not feel bad." As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again." Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript? Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices. Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well. After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled. The farmer asked his neighbors to help him with the shoveling. To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back; he would shake it off and step up. Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd. That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up. Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehavior. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances. Action: Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness. Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it? Do I sleep better? Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?" If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision. Actually decide to let it go. Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it. The CHOICE is yours! haha. after reading it. i feel i have achieved enlightenment (: as imperfect as you may be you are all i ever want. and why do things turn out the way they are now? the unintended consequence of things. why why why? it hurts so bad. really, hurt so bad. i know i could never love anyone else the way i do. hold me close and whisper those 3 little words to me Previous Next |
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