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hii! (: i'm back after ages. =x. oops. haha. back due to a special request from guolian. (: lol. sorry for the long wait =xx keke. well. guess i'm gonna change my blogskin. been using this for some time. there's a need for a change. haha. yups. black and white. lol. simplicity is nice. (: if only every single thing in this world could remain simple, wouldn't the world be a better place? things in this world are mostly complicated. it sets me thinking, are things simply complicated by itself or is it that we humans are the ones that complicate these simple things to be complicated? we are living in a complicated world. sometimes i wonder why can't things be simpler? i know for one, that it is a fact that there is no point hoping for things to be simpler. as time passes, things change, people change, everything changes. people around me have changed. den this question comes into my mind " have i changed too? or am i the one who has changed?" i've searched but i can't seem to derive an answer. can anybody tell me the answer? it feels as if i've lost my way on my little journey. yes, i feel lost. i'm clueless. i don't know what to do. sometimes i just feel like crouching in one corner and breakdown. yet, the tears won't come. no, it just can't come. maybe its my pride thats stopping it. i've once told my friend that crying takes courage but then again am i able to do it? no i can't because i'm afraid to cry at times. when i'm alone, the tears start to flow freely. but in front of others, i just can't. no i can't. because i only want people to see the strong side of me. that jiahui who is always so strong. but even the strongest person have vunerabilities. people tend to lean on me but sometimes when i want to lean back on their shoulder, they turn their back and walk away. its hurting. its cruel. its draining my energy. guolian told me to become stronger. yes, i do want to become stronger emotionally. but i can't seem to overcome many things. no, i ain't strong. live strong? i wish i really can do so. but sometimes i just can't. i'm afraid. i'm scared. i have so many doubts so many worries. i need reassurance. i need security. i tell others to believe in themselves. but it sets me thinking, do i believe in myself? i've tried to decieve myself in the past and felt that the answer was positive. but recently i realise i don't believe in myself. why? i don't know anymore. i'm afraid to lose people dear to me, people whom i hold close to my heart. i'm scared. really scared. sighs. give me the answers to my question. its getting harder to breathe. but i still can manage because of some really significant people. thank you guolian, melissa, weiwen and you. but right here i can say that admist all this troubles i feel genuine happiness. because i know there are people who really care. and i am grateful for that. (: - 我想就这样牵着你的手不放开 (: - ` hold my hand and never let it go. / you bring smiles to my face (: nothing is going right. everything is a mess. my fault? not exactly. its just that you don't understand. - my litte star- brighten my dark sky for me right now where its all so dark. `i need you i hate myself. sighs
i'm selfishi'm unreasonable i'm incorrigible. i let angry cloud my eyes. why? i just hate myself at times. sighs. i realise that i wasn't there for you too. - forgive me - i ain't end of story. i just wish that you were there` when i need you. -prove it to me- it is said that scorpios are people who get jealous easily. true? well it applies for me. and right at this instant, i'm feeling a huge pang of jealously. will someone please get rid of it for me?grrr. *sighs* i hate myself for that. i just hate myself for that. :( i'm feeling so messed up. mixed emotions. i don't know any longer. just let me wave the white flag and fade away. *sighs* i miss my long talks with weiwen di. these talks are now so rare that they really mean so much to me. =/ *sighs* a jigsaw piece that just doesn't fit into the puzzle. my guardian angel` hold my hand tight... and never let it go.. -prove it to me- Previous Next |
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