;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

yesterday was the school's carnival. it wasn't good at all. seriously it really sucked lor. the school made it out to be such a big event but it was such a small event lor. the ppl wearing red overpowered those wearing outside clothes like wat wei long said. it was lousy. i can't believe i cried 3 times just becos of the damn carnival. i hate to cry in front of the public. but oh well nobody noticed or nobody really bothered.

things didn't go so smoothly. first thing our structure fell. we can only thank our lucky stars that it didn't hit the electricity and it didn't fall on anyone. yups. actually didn't wan to retie the whole things but in the end we still did. with alot alot of help frm wei long. thanks man!=)) yups. i practically spent my whole time there tying the cloth making the curtains everything dne ti was time to go. didn't enjoy the carnival one single bit man.

ndp damn moodless. lost my position in the contigent. i detest those girls. yucks. haix. didn't have the mood to march. two more sessions b4 its over. how mcuh longer can i hold on man.

things dun look good. i'm tired.

mel: i'm sorry. i feel damn guilty. take care.

the carnival date is about to arrive. will both guides stalls and my class stall be a success? i really wonder. i'm sorrie if i've been pissed off the whole day long. becos things jsut dun seem to be going right. everything seems to be haywire. ya. and i'm the brainless one. i can't help it. damn it. lets hope things run smoothly tml. i really wish that all 3 stalls would be successful. really sucessful. i'm fed up. i've repaired the posters and end up i had to take down the poster again. its a serious waste of time and effort.=( but cna't be help. anything for the guides stall. haix.

den went out to buy table cloth for class store and ya i bought the wrong type. its just the same that the sch had on the tables. when will i ever get things right? i'm going crazy. why can't i get things right for once? i wasted money on those damn table cloth.

i'm sick and tired. i dun even have the energy to go ndp tml. neither do i have the mood. i'm tired. i'm only a human. not just the carnival. the student initated project too. so many things to do man.

anyway we girl guides and ppl of 3D1 are all upright people. i have nothing else to say. i'm speechless.

time

time is the factor that is driving me nuts.

its making me mad and crazy.

if there were to be no time limit.

i wouldn't be pushing it too hard.

but who understand this fact?

practically nobody.

i'm playing the role of the ~~bad guy~~

life is all about racing against time

and i hate to do that

and i have ~~failed.~~

frustrated

argh. just let me vent my frustrations out! argh! in a bad mood. probably things aren't turning out the way it should be. bleah. maybe i shld take up learn smth abt anger and stress managment. i sure need that. i feel guilty. i'm sorrie if i flared up at anyone of your becos of my bad bad mood. so so sorrie. i hate myself. i hate myself for always taking out my anger on my innocent frens. i hate myself for that. i hate it. why why why.

why just things turn out smoothly for once? carnival is coming and i can't go. its like so damn "GREAT". doing all the stupid preparation work and i can't even go thanks to the damn ndp preview. its like how many times do ur sch celebrate their 25th anniversary? only one lor and i can't go for the celebration. can't help out wif my guides stall. can't help out wif my class stall. can't see clementeen idol and hoh wei jian. ya. just so damn great.

somtimes i wonder wat make me take up ndp. it takes my whole saturday and on sunday i've gotta rush out all my hw. and it isn't fun or nice to rush. it isn't. i'm just so happy that there are only two more sessions before i say bye bye to ndp forever. i will never join. one experience is just more that enough. probably the sense of accomplishment would be so great beyond words. but is it really worth the time and effort? i'm not sure either. dunno why i'm feeling damn negative about everything suddenly.

my studies havem't been that good recently. ya. i flunked my first maths test in this year. so disappointing man. nv had i tot that i wld fail maths. maybe i'm too complacent. i wish i cld wake myself up. oh man. jia hui wake up! u've got to work harder. i must push myself ot study i will. i dun wanna disappoint myself anymore. i must achieve my goal my dream. i did considerably well in mid year and i must do the same for eoy! i will work hard! i must i must!

sometimes. i feel like i'm carrying a heavy load in my heart. i cant let it down and i can't explain why it is there. ppl always tell me i'm stressed. probably i am at times. but not always. its just that i dun smile that much a times. probably when i dun smile i look fierce stress and all but i'm really not.

i'm sorrie my frens. i really am. if i could turn back time. i wld really not flare up at all of your when i'm in a bad mood. i would. probably i shld manage my anger and stress abit more. haix.

after typing, feel much better. at least part of wat i'm feeling is finally out lessening the load by abit.

everyday
when my phone screen shows
"1 message recieved"
i click open
in the hope that it would be you
but disappointed i was
for it was all false hope
its been abt two months.
since the last msg.
i wanna go back to the past.

well. todae a great day ba! hahax. yups. lessons were okay. lol. after sch discussed the student initiated project. haha. it was fun wif that bao ren being damn lame..lol but he cld be quite qian bian. lol. i just can't see why must the bullet be all of the same shape. or the difference between inform and remind. diaox. lol. but it was fun la. haha. even don also sae bao ren v qian bian. hahax. spend a long time discussing the project man.

haha. after that went to meet geraldine to pass her the ndp tickets for tml!=) haha. yay! shes coming to watch. so excited abt tml. lol. sat down and talk for a v long time. miss her alot man. gee. that stupid sheena bu gou peng you man. rather go Z pop and support wei jian [ someone who doesn't even noe her] than me and sini her fellow donkey copyright member. haha. stupid girl la. but heck la. lol. she alreadi v sweet. lol. give me that cute cheque. hahax. jolene also gave me one. thx alot man.

haha. derrick won!! yay! =)) i lvoe him to bits man. his cutsey smile on his cutsey face! haha!

do u know
how much i love you
u dun notice
u dun understand
its hurts me
to see u sad.

Fan Yi Chen - Piano!(: [sang by derrick too=)]
白键是那一年海的沙滩
浪花的缱绻
黑键是和你多日不见
弹指间海岸线
你的泪我的眼
模糊天边

每个人心中都有架钢琴
尘封在回忆
任凭我只是你的插曲
时间偶尔提起
钢琴偶尔哭泣
那些凌乱片段

如果爱还能再重来
我期待澎湃永远在
oh~~每次琴盖打开
便有歌来自大海

如果爱我已不存在
我希望有一段精采
让回忆有所感慨

白键是现在我爱到昨天成全你改变
黑键是原谅我的原谅
好想再弹一遍
手指却只听见
你的抱歉

如果爱还能再重来
我期待澎湃永远在
oh~~每次琴盖打开
便有歌来自大海

如果爱我已不存在
我希望有一段精采
让回忆有所感慨

i wishh` to get you off my mind
forgetting isn't easy.
it hurts me too much.
those past mem0riess*
i dun wan them all.

p.i.a.n.o

well. so fast and its alreadi the 4th week of term 3. things are getting heated up. i seem to be lagging behind this term. dun have the drive to work hard. bleahh. lessons are boring. particularly bio. dun see any point in listening to her man.

imagine todae she suddenly ask me to stand in front of the class. still tot wat she wan. can u believe it she sae she was gonna leave the class and told me to write down the names of those who walked about or talked? omg! so primary-school-like lor. bleahh. dunno why. i dread going sch. i dun really see a particular point in going school other than guides and friends. thats all. the end.

but after sch we had dance meeting. well well well. wat cld i sae. haha. it sure was fun!=) yups. lol. we are dancing caught up for the zheng hua campfire. darren is our teacher. i really admire his patience with us man. haha. but damn fun. yups.

wahaha. i love hoh wei jian!=))

seeing youu..
my face lit up into a smile...
i can't forget you.
i just can't.
erase u frm my memory..please

每个人心中都有架钢琴
尘封在回忆
任凭我只是你的插曲
时间偶尔提起
钢琴偶尔哭泣
那些凌乱片段

oral

well. yesterday had my O level chinese oral. omg! it was super duper scary man. was rather nervous and kinda freaked out. wahaha. at least i set a record. the first candidate to kick her examiner's leg.=x stupid la. i so nervous stretch and stretch my legs den omg! biangg eh. hope never minus my marks becos i didn't apologise too.=/ well. reading supposed to be my strongest point yet i stumbled thru my passage and breathe so hardly! sianx! omg man!

todae was a rather shuang day man. haha. first period maths test. den after that 12.30 sch end and wats better is cme is the last lesson for the day. had fu zu du ben test was rather easy sia. haha breeze thru it den leave le.

haha. todae assembly damn funny la! lol. haha. tch give prize halfway suddenly sae: oh sorrie, i forgot to invite the principal to give away the prizes. LOL! haha. that spastic teacher. lol. the whole school laughed lor. lol. everytime i tink about it. i just can't stop laughing. hahax!

bleahh. i'm so tired. going to fall asleep soon le. zZzZzZ....

---- leave me alone ----
---- stop making me look back ----
---- i dun wanna do that any longer ----
[[ those mem0riess` only cut me deeper ]]

life

well. todae went to my enemy, limin house to do hw. haha. i practically dozed off while studying for oral. it really bores me off. and yet i have to work doubly hard for it. i ain't very good at talking in chinese. =( haix. its really freaking me out. my oral is like only 3 more days away. oh man. sianx.

after that went bowling wif wei wen and nana. my score was super lousy=/. oh well. haha. wat cld i sae. i ain't an expert bowler and neither have i bowled many times. gee.

sometimes it really sets me thinking. why do ppl take their frens for granted? why dun they learn to cherish their friends? it keeps me tinking. i feel that the more " hard to get" the fren becomes the more they treasure them. and yet those who always seem to be around them, there for them become less impt becos ppl always take for granted that they wld always be there for them. cherish. treasure. how many ppl in this world are able to do that? how many ppl are true frens whu really cherish frenship? whu really cares for you? i can sae, not many. its sad to tink abt it. but this is life this is reality. and reality is harsh. the world seems to be a cold place at times. not much warmth but only darkness and cold.

its not by the quantity of frens but the quality. i've learn to be contented with wat i have after coming a long way. i used to be such a discontented girl but i realised that i was wrong and selfish.

life has never been a bed of roses. after one problem is solved, the next problem comes along. it just seems to be endless. continuous. never ending. driving ppl nuts.

people treat tears as a sign of weakness. but is it really a sign of weakness? i refuse to agree to this statement. it isn't. it takes courage to cry. courage to show out wat one is really feeling. crying does not prove weakness but strength. yet i myself refuse to cry in front of my frens. no one has ever seen me cry. none of my frens. i dunno why. just that i dun like crying in front of them.

why won't u leave me alone?
why can't u just stop all this?
why do u have to revive those mem0riess?
why do u have to let my mind run wild?

tired

i'm tired.
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★ Welcome!

jiahui
23
15nov1990
~~PEPS~~
~~CTSS~~ [♥4d1'06]
NP [♥Psychology & Community Services]
~~NUS~~ [Social Work]
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