;i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

ytd..one whole day out man..haha..so shuangg..slept all the way until 11 den faster wash up den chiong out of hse..haha..go meet my sweetheart at clementi!=p haha..okies..dun be so disgusting le..haha..went to meet limin la..den after tt we went to bugis..haha..took neoprints..omgg! its damn nice man!!=) haha..realised the neoprints i take wif her like always so nicey de...haha...now i'm dying to take neoprints wif my mei angeline! haha..can't wait for june hols to come=p..haha..me and angeline have so many plans le..haha!=)) yupss..den after tt finally bought eddee's present..but dunno how to pass to him sia..hmm..lolx..

den surprise..haha..i got myself two denim skirts..yups..kinda unbelievable right? haha..first time in my life=/ yupss..den after tt walked abt for so long den met her parents and went for dinnerr..lolx..her little bro is so cute..haha..yups

den todae chiong my hww...arghhh..maths maths and more maths..i tink only amitabha is enjoying it...geee..mrs tan is really mad..so much maths hw..arghh!
anw..thx everyone for ur concern!=) yupss..i reply to ur the tags over here..sorrie..easier..becos tt one got word limit de.

daddy: yupss..daddy! i noe! hmm..i really tried my best to see anth side of ppl..but i failed..thought it did work for certain ppl..i'm sorrie..hmm..feel like not listening to ur advice like tt..but thanks for listening to me man! wat cld i do without a daddy like u!=)

angeline: thx so much man mei! thx for always supporting me when i'm down..u are really someone i can't live without..my shoulders will always be reserved for u too de! lets work hand in hand tgh!=) and lets take neoprints and go to the beach as promised!

mic: hmm..yahhh..i try not to feel so stressed..duno la..something tells me that the person isn't trying to help ba..i dunnoo..

rice: yups! thx for offering ur help! anw..lolx..i fell asleep becos i slept at 1.30 the previous night...haha..but mr chiang sure rocks!=) haha
anw love u guy loads..thx for ur support..
anww special thanks to:
angeline
limin
weiwen
tecksheng

soo shuangg..tml hols dun need go sch! yeah man! probably going out ba..march hols nv really go out at all..i need to de-stress man..everything that has been going on has been too much for me to cope wif

anw todae..a veri veri sleepy day..lolx..chi lesson i was like secretly eating sweet so tou tou mo mo..in the end i just pop the sweet in my mouth for a few secs only..i swallowed it up by mistake..so uncomfortable man! like can't breathe like tt=/ ran back to class to get my waterbottle..really bth man..gee..

den physics lesson kept falling asleep..geee..*yawns* den give mr chiang catch 2 times like tt..guilty man..like slept thru the whole phy lesson..nv really concentrate much...den the place where i sitting full of ants man..the ants crawl on xiao xuan and on me..yucks! disgusting man..antss..arghh...so sucky lor..den chem the quiz..super duper sucky..i didn't even study for it lor..hai..suan le

den after schh..hang ard the umbrella area wif daddy teck sheng and mummy jinyan and weiwen didi..and leon blah blah blah..haha..yups..i and mummy laugh like mad dwn dere=/.lolx..had a great time man..den pei sheng yuan go post letters..lolx..den give him suan like dunno wat la..crapp..its he tall not tt i'm short=/.lolx..keep saying cannot see me all tt..yups...den return back to sch..do abit of hw..den went home le..

i've tried really tried to see the other side of ppl..i really did..it usually worked now..but i can't seem to stop myself frm disliking someone..i can't..i just dun like ppl whu intefere in my affairs..its my buisness..my problem..y must they go poke their stupid nose in it..hai..maybe i just haven tried my hardest to see the other side of ppl? i dunno la..geee..

gives me the creeps
yucks

haix

i dunno. i dunno. i just dunno. i wanna close my eyes cover my ears and shut myself off frm everything..i dun understand things anymore. sometimes even i dun understand myself so how can i expect ppl to understand me? argh..this is crap..everything just seems to be in a whirl. things are moving too fast for me to absorb everything. much too fast. can't things just slow down. can't problems just stop knocking on my door. i can't take it. i can't take it anymore. can't people just leave me alone and stop creating more and more trouble for me. y can't ppl just mind their damn business and stop interfering in my affairs?! damn it! freak off!! i really have enuff of everything. i'm sick of the same thing repeating over and over again.

teck sheng daddy really enlightened me man [thx man daddy!]..he sae there is always anth side of ppl..yups..i guess so ba..after wat he said..i really tried not to judge ppl just frm one side..one point of view..i try to see the good in ppl and not just the bad. take for example a circle wif a small black dot..oftenly we notice just the small black dot and not the surroundings. this could be liken to humans..the black dot is their bad points..oftenly we only notice the bad points of ppl and not their good points..the good points just seem oblivious to us. ya..its kinda true..its weird isn't it but thats how our mind works ba..

i just wish to be left alone. all i wan is a simple normal life wif just a few good frens. y must ppl cause trouble for me. y must ppl make me all that troubled and sad. haix. i'm tired. i just wan to scream everything away

wat gives u the right
to intefere in my affairs

argh..the tot of going back to sch tml just simply puts me off..not really excited to get back to sch..in fact dreading it..haix..the only thing i really look forward to in sch is seeing some of my best frens and probably guides..other than tt..nth more to look forward to..yupss...

this whole hols is campfire preparation and just simply hw..no time to relax and enjoy..the hols is just so short..in no time at all..it wld be over..argh! the hw that we have for the hols is like totally crazy..esp chi and maths...these two really can make me totally crazy..its not like our whole hols we only have our maths adn chi hw and we have to slog like slaves to do them..crap man! can't the teachers just understand that..

now i'm just left wif math maths maths and more maths and bio..the rest of the hw i've completed..kinda an achievement..lol..but i just found out tt fu zu du ben test is tml and i'm not even halfway thru it..omg..its stupid man!! ahhh!!

anw..so happy man! all of us got into the ndp main contigent! woot! so happy..but its a big commitment and i really hope that this wld not affect my studies man..my studies are really like crap man..definitely not up to my expectations..not one bit up to my expectations at all..really must work doubly hard this term!!

anw..jess sae tt i was more cheerful last time than now..really? i dunno..probably things just changes and i just can't seem to take how the way things turn out to be anymore..yups..the feeling of emptiness in me sometimes is something that i just can't seem to explain at times..i'm really tired of everything...really sick and tired....haix..but thx jess for ur support...

back to studying..byee

* estrellas~~ ` * our campfire is finally over!! woot!! finally..after the tiring preperation..everything is over..mrs ng sae it was a success! but izzit really a success? nvm..better dun tink too much again le..geee..yupss..nv really enjoyed much..haix..becos songleader cannot do this cannot do tt..so many restrictions..='(..haix..so sadd..keep having to block the fire..mass dance also cannot dance...gee..

but it was really a memorable day! i will never ever forget this day..18 march 2005..our estrellas campfire..haha..and not forgetting jinyan mummy's birthday!!=) happy belated birthday man mummy!=)

in the morn went to watch spongbob squarepants..lolx..super duper lame man! haha..den after tt took taxi to sch..becos i tot i was late for coh..den in the end i reach sch they cancel le...arghh!! den the taxi driver laugh like pervert like tt..den somemore take wrong route..waste our money man!! pissed off!! argh! den later reach sch..help out..make the notice board..dun look so dull le..lolx..the scouts board is nice.haha..though i hate to admit it but its nicer than ours..gee...yupss..den i spilled my super big glup..next time not gonna boast le..lolx..

den after tt campfire start le..mrs oon's daugther is super duper cute man!!!!!=) hahaha..sho sho sho cuteee..lolx..but still not as cute as my cousin..muahahha..lolx..den after tt went to coffeeshop wan celebrate mummy's birthday..but in the end nv really celebrate..mummy just cut le..den we all went off le..den took taxi wif wei wen homee..been taking taxi alot lately=/..geee..haixx

todae had campfire rehersal..only went for half an hour den had to leave for bio remedial..thruout the whole remedial cannot concentrate sia..becos can hear daddy voice and they all singing frm dwnstairs..how i wish i cld be there enjoying the fun=(..haix..den right after bio remedial i chiong dwn for the rehersal! yups! i always feel exteremely happy when i have guides..its the only time when most of my probs just fade away into the mist..yups..

anw i'm so gonna be in hot soup..loads of ppl nv turn up for the remedial..some frm my class some frm 3c1..due to wat? my fault..i didn't inform my class properly..some of them tot is thurs and so they did not turn up..i'm so damn guilty..haix

haix..so many things going thru my mind..i dunno wat to sae wat to do..really..i just dun understand the way things turn out to be..my whole mind just seems to be in a whirl..i can't tink properly..sometimes i wish that i dun tink too much..things wld be much better..but somehow my mind just wanders off..

anw..mummy i'm sorrie..i really feel so damn guilty..i like make until u hen nan zuo ren..yups..i only wanted things to turn out the way i wanted it to be..not considering the trouble tt i wld cause daddy and esp u..i'm so sorrie..haix..i regret wat i have done..mummy..dun tink too much bout it ba..okies? take care man! smilee...i will accept it de..dun worry

cuz we lost it all
nothing last forever
i'm sorrie i can't be PERFECT

yay! i've finally gotten a new hp! shoo happy! haha..nokia 7260..yupss..haha..i've been using my 2100 for so damn long le..now i've finally change to this phone..i love this phone man!!=) haha..yups..can't wait to use it..but have to charge first..sianx

anw..went to cut my hair le finally..lolx..my frindge is no longer getting in my way..lolx..yups..den went to cck lib wif wei wen to do hw..but well ended up toking than doing =/ arghh..feel so guilty..gee..soemore tml again going out..i'm just so guilty..haix..i really hope to finish early den i can enjoy the rest of my hols lor..it wld be a good time to relax..and sleepp..lolx..i'm becoming lazier..just keep wanting to sleep..haha..anw ya..i've finally found someone whu hold the pen the same way as me..haha..and thats wei wen..so ya..the way i hold isn't weird..also got other ppl hold the same way..lolx..i give ppl sae until sian le lor..always sae i hold the pen v weird..gee=/..

arghh..anw bio remedial is TML not thurs..crap man..so pissed off..sometimes i wish i wasn't the bio rep..its like so difficult to be one lor..argh..haix...=(

i wish i dun tink too much
i wish i really can do tt
but somehow
my mind doesn't obey me
and it wanders off
once again

happy happy happy!=)

well, todae woke up at 6 to pia the chi hw that need to be handed in by todae..argh!! I LACK SLEEP!! crapp..yups den left the hse and went to meet limin at 7-11..well..haha..SOMEONE was late again sia..haha..i late once only..but someone late for dunno eh..even my 10 fingers also can't count le..haha..den went to sch

haha..had test..this test is much easier than the first test lor..thank god i noe how to do almost all..only the zhong he tian kong v hard sia..haha..den in the middle of the test can hear daddy laughing frm 3a1..haha! when he laugh..me and mel just kept laughing..haha..becos his laughter damn funny..haha..limin sae i v qian bian..haha..so noisy during the test..haha..ok la..i admit i was kinda a little noisy..dunno y i todae siao siao one..take the test still v happy..haha..dwn dere laugh laugh laugh..play wif the cupboard doorr..=x

den wei sheng damn crap sia..haha..before the test..he go hug bing kun leg..haha.sae wat ling shi bao fo jiao..and bing kun is the fo!! hahaha..me and limin laugh non-stop..lolx.damn funny lor..wat ling shi bao fo jiao..hahaha! funny man! nv laughed so much b4!

den after the test..went to ljs wif limin! haha..yummy..shoo nice to eat..haha..den went to library saw suh yee and sze ern..den do hw halfway..sudd saw wei wen standing in front of me..scare me sia..haha..den went to find suh yee and sze ern..den yups..we 5 sit tgh..den after tt limin left the lib..while i stayed on trying to do my chem and help wei wen wif his maths..haha..i feel so accomplished..i noe how to do all the qns he asked me..woot! den suh yee and sze ern left..den leon, jp, chin fung and anthony came..that chin fung just wan to kill him man..strangle him!! argh! i can't believe i tot he was cute in the beginning..but actually hes like so argh..*speechless*
den went home..*yawns*

i have so many doubts
i'm confused
i dun understand
haix

ug camp

hmmm..ug camp overall quite okay la..fun is fun but well..some part of it felt like strangling the sec 1s. =/ yups..took group 1 wif gajendran..he sure was fierce and strict..well can see our members weren't really happy wif him..yah..abit hard working wif him lar..in the first place i also dunno him den somemore aiyah..dunno la..but our grp members overall okay..only some abit too talkative and playful. imagine one of them sit dwn on the quadrangle sudd the arm like hit the ground and can bleed?=/

the sec 1s kinda out of hand..lack of discipline. i ask them hurry up and walk faster. they still take their own sweet time and walk. so i shouted ask them walk faster not to take their own sweet time and guess wat, one of them diao me and still walk slowly..crap sia. argh! dne ask them qn no response one..gee

talent time! haha..shawn the bogey man! lolx..woot! his laughter siao one..haha..he really can act v well..haha

den after that went for acs(i) campfire..haha..not bad la..but abit boring..all dance items den after that they keep dancing the same dance..geee=/ shawn tay was there too..haha..den sudd in the middle of a song..geraldine, sheena, shuyi and kaili started beating me..den some of the scouts also join in and started beating me..wahh..siao one sia..somemore i can't escape..give them beat until my plaster also drop off..den my leg and hand all red..den my poor little didi weiwen he give the scouts rape for the 6th time sia..pityy him man..haha..my pityful little bro..they like always bully him? haha..den daddy also go bully his own son lor..so bad one..haha..

todae finally bought my sports shoe!! yay! nike one..and its PINK and grey and white..haha..i love it!!=)

brrr..drenched in the rain..cold mann..gee..who ask me dun wan bring umbrella to sch..den had to walk under the rain all the way home.. todae our sch B div netball gals defeated tanglin and they are the champions of the west zone tournament! woot! haha..cool man!=) yups..

todae lessons, just felt like zZzZz..slept abt 2 the nite b4 thanks to the toopid ss and phy test. or rather becos i just can't seem to concentrate on studying..i study halfway my mind will just drift to other things..den end up take so long to study..argh! yups..todae ss test..i didn't manage to complete both of the sbq qns..argh..crap man..wth..51% chance of failure 49% chance of passing ..hope i can pass..thats all i wan..not expecting much. den todae ss..unlucky man..give mrs rajah catch for eating sweet, lucky she just sae stop eating only..den todae bio again get caught for eating sweettt..so damn unlucky sia todae=/

our term reports are out..well i got 17 in class..sec 1 and 2 always in top 10, now suddenly drop to like that sia. geee..must really work hard le! yups! well..den my phy and bio disappoinment man..both subjects got c5..arghh! take 3 sci subject, only one do well the other two so sucky..gee

tml is the ug camp le! wahahah!! so excitedd!! haha..hope i can work well wif gejendran and make grp 1 a success..haha..gotta do sentry duty...kinda scared=/ but oh well..lolx..my responsibilty

yups..anw one load off my mind and heart and its all thanks to limin! thanks gal! i really dunno wat i wld be like without u!! thanks for always being there for me too!=)

i could spend my life
in this sweet surrender

memories

hmm..been tinking back alot lately..yups..memories.. not just happy memories but painful ones..seems like life has its share of happiness and unhappiness..i guess it wldn't be fair..if one only has his/her share of happiness only and no sad ones at all..

most of the happy memories i had in sec 2 just seem so distant..they will never be revived again..yups..everything just seems like an illusion now..things were just not meant to be..i still can rmb those painful ones clearly..those words just cut me deeply until now..when i told my fren abt those words..i just felt like crying..y did things turn out this way? how i wish i can forget all the painful memories and just keep the happy ones..but i noe tt will never ever be possible..yups..not possible at all..

sometimes i feel tt almost everything is just a pretence..frens? whu are really true to u after all? whu really cares abt u? whu really will be there for u when u feel dwn? whu is always there to lend u a shoulder? ppl tt i trust..let me dwn time and again..i hope tt nth like this will ever happen again..

besides..i noe tt everyone are all hypocrites..its just only a matter to wat extent..but y some ppl just can be so hypocrite to the extent of completely being fake..i just dun understand it anymore..ain't it tough being fake?

all i hope now..is tt my frenship wif those frens whu means alot to me will last forever and ever..

take away the painful memories
let me keep the happy ones

bad hair day=/

todae early in the morning go jinyan mummy hse..haha..to tie our hair=/..all of us dunno how to tie the 'scorpion' hairstyle had to get sze ern to tie for us..sze ern reach damn late lor..somemore have to tie 5 ppl hair..gee..haha..anw jinyan little bro, jun hao, is just so cute!!! haha..his eyes v nice..look like jin yan de! haha..sho cute mann! the way he act and talk also v cute..haha! yupss..den after sze ern tie for us..we tried to use gel to straighten our hair..but we no experience=/ nv use gel b4 den end up put so much until our hair so stiff and hard..yucks..den the gel become white spots on our hair like got dandruff like tt..eee=/ haha...

den we were running late so had to take taxi..den the first taxi see we 5 ppl dun wan to send us to yuhua sec..lucky the second taxi allow sia..or not late den die le..we reach there at 8.30 sharp..lucky man..yups..den we marched for almost 2 hours den got one breakk..wahh..compared to in sch..a little while can hab break alreadi..its like tian yuan zi bie..yi de tian yi ge di..somemore the timing is different,like almost everything different..scarli mixed up the ndp timing and the guides timing..

anw..sad sia..they sae tt this selection is not so crucial yet..the next selection is the more crucial one..and we can't attend the next one due to ug camp=(..oh man..though we got give excuse letter but becos we nv march give them see..we all in reserve contigent how?! ahh..i dun wan...pray hard wun ba..

tonite must pia hw le..just realised got quite alot..ahh..i'm dead mann!! gee..been listening to aerosmith - i dun wan to miss a thing, counting crows - accidentally in love, the used - all that i've got and 3 doors down - let me go..repeatedly...the songs all sooo nice..haha=)

every moment spent wif u
is a moment i treasure

yoo! i'm finally back..haha..yupss..wed was half day! woot! haha..due to the good o level results! yups..my bro did super duper well sia! haha..i must work hard and be like him or even better than him!=p haha..yupss..den i bought my zhan shen [mars] ahhh!! haha..my zai zai!! omggg..i finally bought it sia..keke! yupss..but den becos must do hw..den can't watchh..ahh..lolx..

den ytd went to watch netball match! woot! so happy for them man esp limin!! haha..they beat rv wif a score of 22-29! haha and they are going for the finals! yay! haha..yups..i'm sure gonna watch the finals..keke! hope can find someone pei me sia..or not i all alone again..gee..lucky bio test postpone sia..haha..becos i reach home damn sleepy le..den i lie on the cushion also can fall asleep..

todae went for sports heats..was damn boring sia...feel like zZz...so few ppl frm our class go only..geee..haha..but well..michael got 2nd in 400m..the rest of the events our class didn't win..but at least they bother to participate..yups=) den after tt went to eat wif limin and soleha..haha..damn funny sia..keke..really can laugh non-stop man..haha

hmmm..tml have to go for ndp selection..either main contigent or reserve contigent..hope i get into main contigent sia! haha..wish me luck!=p keke!

`never be replaced

argh..just so pissed off! damn it!
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★ Welcome!

jiahui
23
15nov1990
~~PEPS~~
~~CTSS~~ [♥4d1'06]
NP [♥Psychology & Community Services]
~~NUS~~ [Social Work]
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